#and it must piss them off sooooo bad that their words don’t make me feel bad :(( poor thang

[mars-ipan]

Mars, you have a lot more patience than I would at this point gdhfkjgdsfg. If you'll allow me to choose violence for a second:

-

Hi anon! Did you know you can engage with other people without interpreting every word they use in the worst way possible, making a million assumptions about their background and prescribing opinions to them they've explicitly told you they don't have?

I don't even disagree with all of those rebuttals, but if you want people to engage in discussions with you you have to treat them like human beings, not your opposition in a court case. What are you expecting to get back when you act like this? About nonexistent fingers in his ass guy?

You should at least have got off anon and owned what you said- unless you're using anon to block evade, in which case you should consider respecting people's boundaries.

:D waow…. feeling very cared for in this chili’s tonight

[porcelain-soupspoon4]

You’re Not So Bad (Isaac Foster x Reader)

A/N: I finished Angels of Death a few weeks back, and it was so good! I just had to write a short story about it. I’m not the best writer, but hopefully my first writing of this anime is somewhat close to Zack’s character.  

Warnings: Cussing, Blood Mention (it’s Zack)

You never expected to meet someone like Zack until he arrived on Floor B2. You assisted Reverend Gray, acting as another guardian of B2 after he took you in when he found you as a homeless teen, sleeping on the outside steps of his building. He wasn’t the best father figure you could’ve had, but he still treated you better than the streets did. When hearing the elevator on your floor ding, you wanted to see who was there, but Reverend Gray stopped you, warning you to be careful of the people you may meet. When you asked why, he described the people that held the names Isaac Foster and Rachel Gardner. In all honesty, you didn’t think they were actually as bad as he made them sound, considering that he over exaggerates his descriptions of people to you to keep you safe. Also considering the other psychotic people he had as guardians on the other floors, you could trust your own gut when you met the duo. You stayed hidden in the background while you watched Reverend Gray journey with Rachel to Dr. Danny’s floor. Watching them leave from the end of the hall, you saw a man in a dark brown hoodie and a scythe laying on the ground. That must be Isaac Foster. You could tell that he was bleeding out badly, a pang of guilt and empathy coursing through you. You were hesitant to approach him, remembering that the Reverend said he was dangerous to meddle with and there was a high chance he could react violently to you if you dared to try and talk. But seeing him looking on the verge of death, you couldn’t help but walk slowly toward him. It may seem unreasonable to walk right into danger, but you knew you could take care of yourself. Reverend Gray provided you with a weapon of your own, a basket-hilted sword. He helped you to perfect every swing and stab. Not only that, but you weren’t too bad at fighting hand-to-hand either. Luckily, Isaac Foster appears to be too injured to try and fight back anyway. I honestly don’t think my sword would be able to block his scythe well, I hope he doesn’t use it on me, you thought. As you got closer and closer to the strange man, he fidgeted a bit. You paused your movements, clutching the handle of your sword in its scabbard. He weakly turned his head towards you, his eyes opening slowly. 

“Who the fuck are you? You gonna try and kill me?” he questioned, a sharp tone in his voice. You noticed he made no effort to reach for his scythe, so you let go of your sword’s handle. 

“No.....I wouldn’t try to kill someone if they’re already dying,” you responded. He let out a dry laugh. 

“I hate to break it to ya sweetheart, but I’m not dying any time soon. Monsters are hard to kill. Besides, good ‘ol Rachel’s gonna fix me up. But enough of the chitter chatter, you didn’t answer my first question. Who the fuck ARE you? I thought there’s only one guardian on each floor, unless Reverend Shithead cheated,” he spat. You let out a small chuckle, finding his way of talking a throwback to when you were a teen. Although, he seemed to be around the same age as you, twenty or twenty-two years old. His bandaged face looked confused to your lighthearted reaction. He scowled, “Hey, what’s all that laughing for? I didn’t even say anything funny.” 

“Oh nothing, just thinking of my teenage days. But to answer your first question, I am another guardian of this floor. My job is assisting Reverend Gray on this floor, though I’m not really allowed to interact with the people who come here. But I uh, couldn’t help feeling a bit bad for you, seeing you bleed out like that,” you finally confessed. Letting out another dry laugh, he looked at you with a smirk. 

“Feeling bad for me, huh? Not the best decision. Don’t know if you can already tell, but I’m a cold-blooded serial killer. If I wasn’t feeling shitty at the moment, I’d cut that pretty head of yours off. Seeing you this calm around someone like me really pisses me off,” he said. You only let out another small chuckle, which irked him even more. 

“I’m sure you would, Isaac Foster. Although, I don’t think a fight between the two of us would end so quick. My weapon may be smaller than yours, but I can hold my own very well. If I could survive majority of my childhood and teen years being alone in the streets, I think I could survive you,” you calmly said. His temper apparently sky-rocketed because the next moment, he was yelling. 

“The name’s Zack, you bitch! Don’t go being so confident in yourself, it’s sickening to watch. I bet my ass could ruin all that confidence with just one land of my scythe. I’ll have you begging for your life, just you wait ‘til I’m in a better state to kill ya. Ugh, now I have two bitches to kill!” he groaned, then coughed loudly, more blood oozing out of his wound. You felt guilty again, wanting to at least stop the bleeding for a little while. 

“I carry some bandages and patches with me in case there’s a time I ever need to fix myself. If you need some I can-”

“Just leave it alone, will ya? I already got Rachel getting shit for me back on the other floor, I don’t need your damn help! Why the hell does everyone wanna help me?” 

“M’kay, but you’re bleeding pretty badly, by the time she comes back, you’ll most likely be passed out-”

“I said leave it alone! Stop tryna play nurse, your stuff probably won’t even do shit.” 

“But it’s better to stop the bleeding as soon as-”

“Will you shut up? You’re gonna make me go into shock.”

“I just wanna help-” 

“I said I don’t want any damn help!” 

“Well you won’t be much of a monster by bleeding out all over this damn floor! If you wanna at least live long enough to kill that girl Rachel, you could at least be somewhat decent and let me patch you up before you go all out, getting your own self killed instead! Now shut the fuck up and let me help! Geez! How does that blonde girl deal with you?” you shouted. Your yelling got him to close his mouth and shut up, surprised that he got someone as calm as you to get angry. How can I get her angry, but not scared shitless? It’s like she wasn’t even phased by my damn appearance, he thought. There was a short silence in the hallway, until Zack finally spoke up. “Didn’t know you had all that anger in ya. Heh, to be honest you even got my crazy self startled. I have no clue how Rachel deals with me, but all I know is her messed up head wants me to kill her. So I’ll do it. If I want to keep my promise to her.....I guess you should do what ya want. But don’t be a pervert about it.”

A small smile formed on your face as you took out your supplies in the small medical bag you carried around. 

“How the hell are you smiling after all that? Sheesh, I’m starting to think you’re even weirder than Rachel is,” Zack let out noises of disgust. You scoffed, rolling your eyes at his childlike behavior. 

“Tell me something.....,” he began to say, “why haven’t ya mentioned anything about my appearance? I’m literally covered in bandages and burnt underneath. Don’t I freak you out at all? Why aren’t ya scared?” 

“Well, I’ve seen crazier. I also don’t like to make a judgement about someone based on only their appearance. Sure you’re not ordinary looking, but I know there’s more about you than what I see on the outside,” you replied. Everything that you needed to help him was taken out. You didn’t have any type of alcohol or a sewing needle and thread to fully cover what you believed to be a deep gash in his abdomen, but it was all that could be done for now until Rachel got back. You reached over towards his wound, but hesitated. You looked him in the eyes, as if you were silently asking for permission. He nodded slightly, his breathing hitching a bit when he saw the look your eyes held. You looked so genuine, not one hint of fear in you. Was that.....kindness? No, it couldn’t be. Why would anyone show kindness to him? You unzipped his hoodie, a faint blush on your face. Sure he was an asshole, but it still felt.....somewhat intimate? Not in an inappropriate way, just in a trustworthy way. The fact he had so much trust in one stranger to help him like this.....it was odd. You undid the bandages already on him that were worn out. His wound was revealed, and so was his skin. Wow....is all of him burned? You shook your thoughts away. You grabbed a bunch of gauze sponges you had and grouped them together, beginning to apply pressure to his wound. Zack hissed at the pain, saying almost every curse word you think is in the dictionary. You let out a soft “Sorry” as you continued to clean up the big amount of blood on his body. Once you began to bandage him up tightly, Zack started up another conversation. 

“You’re different from the other guardians.....why aren’t ya trying to kill me? Isn’t that what you guardians do?” he asked curiously. You showed him another small smile. That damn smile, why does she smile so easily at me? It’s not like Rachel’s forced ass smile. What’s up with this bitch? Why is her smile so.....familiar? 

“Well, like I said before, I just assist Reverend Gray on this floor. He’s the main guardian. I’m just someone he happened to take in after he found me sleeping on the steps of this building. Heh, teenager me. Homeless after my parents abandoned me as a toddler. I’m not sure what made Reverend Gray want to keep me. Sometimes he acts like a father, but then I remember how self praising he is,” you sighed, “I know the people on the other floors kill so you expect me to be the same, but I don’t want to kill someone if they aren’t totally out of their mind.” 

“So is that why you didn’t try to kill me? Cause ya think I’m not totally out of my mind? Heh, well I’m pretty sure me killing people for fun isn’t sane either. I hate seeing people happy, sooooo I kill ‘em. What’s not psycho about that?” Zack stated. 

“Well for starters, I didn’t try to kill you because you were already injured, so it wouldn’t have been fair. And you can’t be totally out of your mind if you let me help you with your injury.” Zack scowled at your reply, knowing you were right. Even as a serial killer, he had morals. He hated lying, and he himself would never tell a lie. 

“You remind me of him too much,” he grumbled. Your head perked up. 

“Did you say something?”

“I said you talk too much.” 

“No, you definitely said something else.” 

“No I said you talk too much.” 

“Doubt it, tell me what ya really said.” 

“That is what I really said.” 

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Zack.” 

“Ugh, I said you remind me of him too much,” he said softly. 

“Him?” you questioned. Zack sighed. “There was this man I met when I was younger, a blind man. He let me stay at his place for a couple days. Even after I told him I killed a guy, he still had that dumb smile on his face. He always had that smile on his face around me. It was annoying, him being so calm around someone like me. Pissed me off, but I didn’t kill him. He fed me and everything. I mean he already died cause of something else, but it doesn’t matter anyway. Are ya done with my bandages yet? It feels like it’s been hours!” 

You rolled your eyes at his commentary. “Well, whoever that man is, he had quite the patience with you.” 

“Hey! I was giving you a compliment! Geez, way to be rude!” Zack crossed his arms, turning away from you. You only chuckled once more. You finally finished wrapping enough bandages as you could, making sure it was snug enough. 

“Happy now, angry boy? I’m done. They’ll still get bloody, but at least the bandages are fresh and not worn out,” you said, giving him another smile just to annoy him. 

“Thanks,” he mumbled. “I never caught your name. Since I told ya mine, it’s only fair you tell me yours.” 

“It’s (Y/N),” you said. 

“Well (Y/N),” Zack rubbed the back of his head. “You’re not so bad.....maybe I’ll keep ya alive.” 

[franki-lew-yo]

I really hate 2d purists. No, not 2d animation. Not 2d animators.

2d purists.

The sad thing is it’s gotten to the point that I really cringe hearing any pro-2D sentiment at all. I hate the arguments I agree with because how often they're misused and weaponized by idiots.

Let me make my stance here clear - 2d is NOT appreciated and 3d is used for everything! The layman Karen-mom who doesn’t have an artistic bone in her body looks at stupidsmooth 3D Grubhub ads and assumes quality cause it “looks more real” (aka ‘rendered’). I know as much is true because I literally have a member of my family who told my sister and I that she thinks 3d is better (and also that she “tolerated THOSE movies for us kids”. Touching words. My sister was taking an animation course by the way). Combined that with the studios either using 2D for cheap stuff or finding good 2d animation too “costly”, I get it and I’m not even any animator. I'm just a worm an illustrator.

but holy HELL -

There’s a backlash from the artistic community that's it's own kind of insufferable and deserve to be addressed.

“(insert2Danimatedfilm) is better BECAUSE it's 2D!”

followed by: "Animation is a visual medium and the quality of the art affects how much the story means !!!!”  

Yes. Totally. Animation is a visual medium and the look and style is important. Sadly, people use this excuse to really obnoxious ends, insisting that design being pretty is '' everything ''. When you treat a movie more as a special effects demo I get why you talk about the artistry at hand; but I’m sorry, visuals are not the only thing important and it’s why I’m also getting sick of the sameElsafacesyndrome rants too! There’s this attitude that's reads as "but it LOOKS better fromaproductionimage/teasertrailerwhichapparentlyisindicativeof all themovieactuallyis so it MUST BE better".

-“3D should only be used to make things look realistic!”

I think I know the logic this criticism is made in response to, and that’s the Sony + Illumination films which look just as good in 2D as they do in three dimensions. I know it feels like people are twisting this medium to try and make it like a classic cartoon when by all means people can and would love a classic cartoon being a classic cartoon. That I get- From the unsung 2D animator’s perspective, that’s more than valid !

But it’s a huuuuuuge slap in the face to 3d in saying it should only be used for "realistic animation" because

1: It’s not like realistic animation could age badly or look uncanny in the next few years. It's almost like technology is constantly improving, which I guess 2d animation never did and it was always the same technique and quality as every film that came after it.

2: The industry does treat 3d as a magic-moneymaker for this reason. Just listen to these people call the 2019 LION KING “live action” as if they’re embarrassed to call it animation. It IS animation! It would be impressive if you acknowledged that what it is, but like the CATS, you basically are treating it as just a neato tool to better your live action and not it's own artform - which it is!

3: By this “three-deeonly gud when real liek in da toystories” non-logic I guess 2d should ONLY be for flowyflowy SPACE JAM cartoons and maybe some Disney*. Just that though. You can’t do anything more with 2d. It’s never supposed to be realistic I guess. Good thing Richard Williams only did 'toons' and just toons that’s why we need 3d in the world I guess.

Wait no - that’s stupid.

"I HAVE to see the “Land Before Time 14″ when it comes out! I mean it’s a 2D animated film!"

Lost in the aether that is Youtube comment chains removed from kid's videos is a stream of this very VERY stupid argument supporting the buying of the 14th LAND BEFORE TIME film because it’s supporting 2D. My sister and I can be found on that chain arguing against this stupidity. All you have is my word, but trust me: it really did happen.

I’m sorry but...no.

Unless you have a friend or a family member who worked on these movies there’s no reason to see this and ESPECIALLY no reason to insist it’s a win for the 2D community if you buy up this crap - and I'm not judging if you do like it, but come on! LAND BEFORE TIME 14 isn't where your money should go if you really like this medium.

What’s so infuriating about this argument is you can tell it’s made by nonanimators. Real animators will tell you to support their movies cause they want some respect for their artform which is why there’s such a push from the PRINCESS AND THE FROGcrowd that you SEE and LOVE every 2d thing out there, regardless of how good it is because any recognition for it is k i n d o f what they're after!

Kiddy sequel schlock isn’t even in the same ballpark as KLAUS or WOLFWALKERS; these films DID have very limited theatrical runs (Klaus so it could be nominated; Wolfwalkers in places where theaters opened up after Covid) and should have been supported because they were labors of love made by people who love animation.

As other people have already pointed out, one of the reasons for the lack of interest in 2000sera2D animation is that the only films released alongside critical+financial 3D hits were cheaper 2D films that either coincided with daytime tv shows or should have been just direct-to-video. It’s not to say art couldn’t come out of these flicks, but dayum if it wasn’t abused as much as the texture software that era's CG used... Point being, should the world ever go back to normal: If you hear about an out-of-town showing an acclaimed 2D animated film, make time to trek out and see THAT!

Don’t give your money to see yet another made-for-tv movie on the big screen because all that tells the studio is: “yeah 2d IS cheap and only good for cheap stuff let’s just keep it cheap. Only 3d is important 8D 8D 8D !!!"

“I don’t understand how it works. So it sucks.”

This text is from an ANIMATOR btw.

“I don’t understand how it works” and “it’s just some computer rendering” is the exact same wave of logic the people who prefer cgi use.

The plebian Karen I mentioned earlier? She understands the basics of 2D animation as much as you did from one of those cruddy flash classes you took in middle-school. She 'understands' the basics cuz she watched how it was made on the DVD features or maybe back on the WONDERFUL WORLD OF DISNEY. To her, the illusion is broken and she’s not impressed by 'just some drawings on paper'. You, an animator, know the process is more complicated and is intrigued by knowing how it’s made - not bored or disinterested -

Neither you nor Aunt Karen have really good cg-animation software at your house and unless you ARE a 3D animator you probably DON’T know all the ins-and-outs of how these movies are modeled, rendered, and animated.

Aunt Karen is bedazzled by them cause she doesn’t know how it works and the technical aspect makes her brain hurt so it might as well be magic and she can feel like a cool kid sharing Minion-memes. Aunt Karen is the nonartistic type who just wants to feel safe. You're not. You want to feel challenged.

I get it: you’re pissed off cause you’re in a field no one, including Aunt Karen, appreciates; told to work in cg which it's an artform you didn’t devote your life to and told to learn it cause THIS style sells! 3D is everywhere and is starting to look like 'garbage' even if you don’t animate 3D models yourself you just KNOW, I guess. Besides, you know all there is to know about 2d!! You know all there is to possibly know about this artform and have to fight this 'war' against "r e a l" animation! And I mean even when 3d software is there to use, it's not like you can actually make anything worth while in it, especially not anything that transcends the medium. Right Worthikids?

TL;DR: This argument is basically just " BWAAAAH I’M NOT GONNA USE IT I HAVE STANDARDS (a chip on my shoulder cuz art should be what I deem it to be) "

“PRINCESS AND THE FROG is-”

There’s a reason I can’t say I truly like PRINCESS AND THE FROG even though it's not even a bad movie! Like, stop reading this and watch PATF if you haven't it's good. It's my 'FROZEN', in that; I see a lot of potential in it I just think it needs some serious rewriting and that bugs me. Always have felt that way, tbh.

I dislike this movie because the response from the animation community seems to be it was perfect and the Academy was just Pixar-crazy with UP ((ftr, the Academy IS Pixar’s bitch and I personally advocate a sequel be made to WAKING SLEEPING BEAUTY about Mike Eisner’s sabotage of the 2D department at Disney which is still in place now!- but that’s a story for another day)). I’m sorry but UP was just a better story. So was CORALINE. So was FANTASTIC MR. FOX. Honest to god it feels like poor PATF is brought up as just a talking point and never for it's own worth as a labor of love - which it was! I'd like to honestly know: had PRINCESS AND THE FROG come out now and been cg if it would have even half the defenders for it because now it doesn't "look" like how a Disney movie "should" look...

If you like PatF more than the currant Disney lineup because of it's culture, it's music, it's feminism, it's black representation? Awesome. Great. Those things should be appreciated and I never want that taken away from you. But if you seriously think PatF is better just for how it was animated and looks - I lowkey may hate you.

“ALL OF DISNEY’S LATEST MOVIES SHOULD HAVE BEEN 2D! THEY ALL LOOK AWFUL IN 3D!! ALL OF THEM!”

TANGLED, FROZEN, and MOANA? Yeah. Sure. But um, e x c u s e y o u- WRECK IT RALPH sooooo doesn’t work in 2d! It could have used different between the various worlds but it’s about hopping through different video games. I’m also of the opinion that ZOOTOPIA and BIG HERO 6 are fine the way they are. Their 3d is awesome.

The latest fairy tale Disney films are really big on their place alongside the 2D canon esp in marketing. They keep trying to mimic 2D to varying results though I don't think it works as well as the movie's I'd previously mentioned. Me personally, I would love a mix of 3D and 2D technology, like if the backgrounds in FROZEN still got to be 3D but the characters were handdrawn and shaded ala KLAUS ((sweet sigh)). But even then are they truly unwatchable just based on how they're animated to you?

MOANA would have been incredible in 2D but for the record - I don't think it feels out of place in it's style. It reminds me more of a Pixar movie with the heart of a Disney classic which is it's own just as good.

“2D is the oldest form of animation and it’s being replaced.”

Actually, if we’re talking animation in film, stop motion is the earliest form of animation. The stop motion animated THE ADVENTURES OF PRINCE ACHMED and TALE OF THE FOX predate Disney’s SNOW WHITE. And yes: stop-motion IS still a form of animation even if it’s a serious of pictures taken of real life things and not drawings, so don’t you dare come at me with the "but that's not animated"/"Technically it’s LIVE ACTION" crap or I’ll envoke the spirit of Sandman to get you at night.

“Every animated film would look better in 2D! Even PIXAR would look better in 2D!”

Again, Stop Motion.

No, I mean it.

Lemme ask: Would ISLE OF DOGS or FANTASTIC MR. FOX carry any of the same effect if they were generic 90s toons? I know NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS wouldn’t. Christ, don’t even get me started on Svankmajer!

Sometimes the problem is that a movie is envisioned with a specific artform in mind. Pixar started out with toys and bugs for a reason and that’s cuz they were always gonna be a 3d studio and they needed to first overcome the placisity of the models. Over the years they’ve gotten really good at effects and blending unrealistic proportions with real textures (and also not so much- ONWARD and THE GOOD DINOSAUR really needed some different character designs and yeah, I do think would have looked better with a 2d artstyle, but not the ones they had in their films. THE GOOD DINOSAUR needed more realistic-speculative looking dinos and ONWARD needed a grittier HEAVY METAL/BLACK CAULDRON appeal to its designs.) My point being that the problems with these movies aren’t even inherently the animation as much as it is a problem of style. As someone who runs a group speculating different styles and designs for movies and tv shows I’m all for envisioning a 2D ZOOTOPIA or Bluth-inspired FNAF. That’s amazing!

But that’s also the talk of fan artists and nerds and not the professional artists working on visualizing their stories!!

Since I ate, slept, and breathed NIGHTMARE in my youth I’ll use it as an example: All the concept art ever done for TNBC was on paper and 2D was used in the final film. However, even when Tim Burton was thinking of making it just a tv special it was always going to be stop-motion. NIGHTMARE’s puppet cast do work very well in two dimensions, believe me, but the film was made as a love letter to Rankin/Bass and the art form of stop-motion. Skipping to another Henry Selick-helmed project (haha), JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH was also always envisioned as a multimedia film to give it a truly dream-like atmosphere. If you know anything about Henry Selick you’ll know he’s 1) a perfectionist, and 2) loves mixed media and different types of animation and puppetry at once. That’s why he was the perfect pick to direct TNBC at the time, why JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH and CORALINE are so beautiful and why MOONGIRL, his only fully 3d film, doesn’t have the same appeal.

As for what films I couldn’t imagine NOT being 3D? Probably; 9, Padak, Next Gen, Soul, Finding Nemo, the Toy Story films, Wreck-it-Ralph (as previously mentioned), Wall.E, Waltz with Bashir, Robots, Inside Out, Arthur Christmas, The Painting, Happy Feet, Shrek, Enter the Spiderverse, Megamind… just naming a few here.

“I want a traditionally animated film [and by that I mean a 90s-Disney/Don Bluth looking movie] of ‘x'-popular live action/stage thing!”

Okay I’m cheating a bit but it’s my blog and so I’m gonna stick this one in because it’s related.

When I see musings about wanting live-action or CGI shiz to be in 2d again a lot of the time this argument actually boils down to " I want this to look like a 90s Didney movie ". Or, if it’s about animals - " I want it to look like a Don Bluth film! "

Like...there ARE other styles of animation out there...you know that right?

Frack, Disney themselves tried different styles throughout the 90s it’s just that the peak of the Disney renaissance films (LITTLE MERMAID, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, ALADDIN, THE LION KING) and the many imitators that followed tended to have the same look to them where only film/animation nerds kept watching into the era that was TARZAN, HERCULES, and ATLANTIS along with the kids. Aunt Karen wasn't singing Part of your World in the carride with you every day.

The Don Bluth argument is especially irritating because...what exact feeling do you WANT from a movie if it looked Bluthish? Each of the four ‘quintessential’ Bluth movies (NIMH, AMERICAN TAIL, LBT, and ALL DOGS) have such a different feel to them that’s complimented by that style; SECRET OF NIMH is a drama about wild animals trying to understand humans; LAND BEFORE TIME is even more squarely about an animal’s perspective as there’s literally no humans around; AMERICAN TAIL uses animals stowing away on the ship to tell a story about refugees; and ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN is ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN.

What the frack are you even asking for with that because I think there’s a certain flavor to the Bluth-styled oeuvre as well as the 90s Disney catalogue that would clash too much stylistically with some films.

Also come on! Like some Bluthian-style 2d would really fix THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS or SCOOB!, bite me.

I think this fixation solely on these two hand drawn styles and nothing else is based on nostalgia goggles, refusing to step outside the norm and discover different films and feelings than Disney and Bluth, and just preference. Goin back to NIGHTMARE there will always be a special place in my heart for Henry Selick’s stop motion, but I couldn’t imagine CHICKEN RUN or ANOMALISA in it's unique style.

Also I’m tired of every time there’s a "lets make an animatic to ‘x’ musical theater song" it’s reliably just Disneyesque or realistic. WHY envision an animated version of the show at all if it doesn’t have A STYLE to it??!?! I’m sorry but 90s-Disney does NOT fit CABARET!

“3D is so CHEAP now! Why can’t they just do 2D again?”

I think - on the cusp of the 2020s and the Grubhub hatedom, there ARE changing times ahead for 3d and 2d. The general public are starting to get tired of the same looking 3d films and wanting some 2d back, but they don’t have the best resources or opinions on animation to know what it is they want. Meanwhile, the animation community + industry is trying to figure out what to do and you have a lot of turmoil between the monopoly that is the industry, the high standards of the artists, and the mixed wants of the animation fanbase deciding what art needs to be.

It’s a tough business. And in the spirit of that tough business - maybe DON’T act like the means of a film’s production is solely your control, that you know best, and know definitively what the artists should have done....cuz you don't. Sorry my fellow criticalfanomanalysist-folks we DON'T and in an age of standom where fans and critics think it's okay to hackle indie animation studios about not getting their pitched cartoon out fast enough - we need to reserve these discussions to our circles and not treat them as gospel.

3d animation and 2d animation have to share this world. Stop acting like they’re either interchangeable in terms of budget, means of production, or artistry or that one has to be superior to the other.

The industry already says one art form is better (spoiler: it’s always live-action), we don’t need anymore of this purist garbage. Just stick to what you like while trying new things on the side. Be critical while also being compassionate. And remember:

[teamsarawatshusband]

Word Of Honor - 1st watch insta thoughts - Episode 3

Episode 1

Episode 2

This one took longer, because there was so much talking. Sorry.

Episode 3:

Ok, in the dusty place, people are finally eating. Except for Zhou Xu lord guy who prefers alcohol.

Smirky Ke Xing guy is such a brat. Why is he such a tease???

Oooh, now he's trying to cop a feel, and Zhou Xu lord guy isn't having it. The official explanation is that he wants to see if lord guy is disguised, but neither me nor purple girl are buying it. I saw that smile.

Oh, the guys are flirting. So obvious. Tsk. Very clearly Smirky Ke Xing is enjoying it. While Zhou Xu Lord is annoyed, but he can't help participate. LOL

Ah, yes, why did the red ghost guys attack the kid's family? Good question to ask. We know they were looking for the glazed armor stuff, but the gang doesn't know that yet. Or does Smirky Ke Xing know more than he lets on?

Oh, the ghosts don't stand for a group of ghosts but for a demon? Rong. I had no idea demons had last names. Huh. Wait, what? the glazed armor is not actually armor? It's martial arts techniques?

Zhou Xu lord says it's stupid to believe it, but I don't trust him. He's not honest to Smirky Ke Xing, so he might know more than he lets on. Hmm, he blames greed. And Smirky Ke Xing does his fake laugh. Why is there so much beating around the bush?

Oh, they're cleaning up the potato smiley mess at the burnt down kid's home.

And some guy walks on water. 5 Lakes leader. Ah. Okay. He looks pissed.

Ah he's the boss of the pleated skirt soldier guys. Why is he late to the party while everybody else is already there?

Oh. the kid's dad and his brothers are really dead. At least if we trust pleated skirt soldier guy. Who doesn't wanna show the bodies, because they look bad. Soldier boss guy is even more pissy now. He's so vengeful. What's wrong with him?

Oh, old people. They have cool pastel clothes. And walking sticks. I like them. Although they look super pissed as well. And the woman clearly has some beef with the soldier boss guy. I like how the subtitles call them grandma something and grandpa something.

Grandma is calling out soldier boss guy's fake outrage. I like her. She doesn't take shit from anybody.

Whoa, did soldier boss guy just threaten the grandparents? WTF? Where is your respect, dude???

Ah, somebody intervenes. Thankfully. He's a... beggar? With a beggar gang? Ok, cool. And everybody seems to respect him. Alright, I'll go with that. Cause he seems nice.

Back in the dusty place, smirky Ke Xing is still staring at meditating Zhou Xu Lord. He's so into him, lol.

Zhou Xu lord guy wants to leave. Smirky Ke Xing says that fate will reunite them. I bet fate is his middle name. He invites Zhou Xu lord to his boat once again. Boat is probably a euphemism for lap or something.

Zhou Xu lord guy isn't into giving lap dances, it seems.

And purple girl doesn't understand why Smirky Ke Xing is so into him. So he gushes about how hot lord guy looks, lol. He's got a thing for shoulder blades. And points out that he is very aware of Zhou Xu lord guy being a MAN. Like we hadn't noticed.

And now he's admiringly smirking about how flexible lord guy's sword is. Riiiiiiight. Ke xing is officially the No1 smirklord shipper.

Back at the kid's place... there's lethal spider web strings that can cut through anything. Hmm. So, now they know it's the red ghost people guys.

What does grandma mean with "These things caused the two of us to become the way we are today"??? What are they now? And what did they use to be like before?

Soldier boss guy declares that he's going to end the ghost guys and sounds super conceited, tbh. Ah, grandma calls him out on it again. I like her.

Grandpa mentions that the ghost guys knock on the door of people who have done evil. So... does that mean that the kid's family has done evil? And soldier boss guy should be afraid, so has he done evil too? I'm so confused.

There seems to be a LOT of talking in this episode. I'm only 20 minutes in and already overwhelmed.

Okay, beggar guy wants to help soldier boss guy to find the kid.

LOL, how did smirky Ke Xing get ahead of Zhou Xu lord guy and the kid?

TWICE. lol. He is so desperate to get the smirklord ship to sail.

Ok, so beggar guy is talking to the grandparents and they are dropping so many names, I have no idea what's going on. What I gather so far is that the grandparents really have beef with 5 lakes, a.k.a. soldier boss guy's people. Because they somehow benefited from other people dying in the past. Not sure how. And then there were different sects and their disciples. No idea what they were called. But beggar guy and the grandparents are going to find some guy who might have another piece of glazed armor (another martial arts technique then?) before the ghost guys can get to it.

K, now Zhou Xu lord guy and the kid have reached some city and wanna stay at some inn, but some rich guy has rented the entire place. Must be Smirky Ke Xing. I mean, who else would?

LOL, of course it is. And ZhouXu lord guy is sooooo annoyed. But he can't hide a smile when smirky Ke Xing lets it slip that he finds him beautiful, lol. Is smirky Ke Xing wearing him down?

And now Ke Xing gets the door shut in his face. That must be annoying, lol. But he deserved that tbh. Dude, how desperate are you to stay in the same room with your crush??? Get a grip and stop being so obvious. This is so embarrassing...

I really like how respectful Zhou Xu is around the kid. Allowing him to use the bed, allowing him to get dressed without being watched. Allowing him to take care of his wound without showing it to anybody. Very much not predatory. He's a good boy. (despite his death count)

Eww, the kid's wound is bleeding a lot. That does not look good.

K, where exactly did Zhou Xu lord guy get changed? In the hallway? On the stairs?

He wonders why smirky Ke Xing keeps following him. Is it not obvious? He's got the hots for you, man.

Okay, now they're having a discussion about showing their true faces. So... Smirky Ke Xing is assumed to be hiding some truth as well. I wonder what it is. He says his true face my not be appealing but terrifying.

Now they're dancing with their tea cups. Wth kinda porn is this???

Wow, smirky Ke Xing is sooooo cheesy in his flirting. Once again using purple girl to give compliments to his crush.

K, the beggar gang is out there to find the kid. i see.

And the kid has finally got some sleep and cleaned up nicely. Zhou Xu guy on the other hand, apparently NEVER sleeps, just meditates while being stared at by smirky Ke Xing.

K, once again Smirky Ke Xing told purple girl to behave and compared her to other girls. Which... I get it, but... last time he told her she wouldn't get married, which is bullshit. I'd marry her in a heartbeat. I should start calling her something other than purple girl, because we're gonna be spouses. :D

The beggars are spotting the kid, ooooh.

And, once again he's not eating. I mean, i get it, his entire family got murdered. I wouldn't be hungry either.  But my love gives him an earful, she's really good at guilt tripping people it seems. And she made the kid cry. Aww...

Okay, now we're at the 5 Lakes palace. Where lots of people are meeting up. And some leader guy is calling for bloodshed. In revenge for the kid's family. They wanna attack the red ghosts guys together. Hmm.

And now there's some older guy standing on a tree. Who is he? I missed the name. But he has nice undies.

He's meeting with another guy who calls him master and they're talking about yet another guy who has a fever. I am so completely lost as to what's going on.

So tree guy is some master of sorts and the other guy is his disciple, and there are more disciples who are dressed the same. And two mini wannabe Lan Wangjis in blue travel robes and headbands.

Aww, they're an endangered species. The last two of their sect. :(

Okay, wait, what? The master guy is saying that Shen... (I think that was that the pleated skirt soldier boss guy's name?) is trying to steal the glazed armor. So, 5 lakes are trying to steal the glazed armor? I thought the red masked ghost guys are? This is so confusing.

Oh, Zhou Xu lord guy is back to doing his smelly veiny meditation thing. It looks like worms crawling under his skin. So disgusting.

Oh no. the red masked guys are back. And after the kid, who's having nightmares.

Wait, who knocked out the masked guys?

Ah, smirky Ke Xing. Presenting them to Zhou Xu lord guy. He's like a cat showing off the dead mice of his hunt to his owner. Cute.

And he brought alcohol. In return for first name basis, lol.

Zhou Xu is declining the offer and pushing Ke Xing's arm away. Maybe Smirky Ke Xing was just after the touch, though, and Zhou Xu fell for it. Ke Xing's voice sure sounds seductive when he talks about what lies underneath the skin, lol. Okay, that's it, if Zhou Xu goes for it, I'll give him a new name.

DUDE! He full on snuck in a sneaky caress there!!! AND HE TOOK THE BOOZE.

First name basis it is. His name shall be Baby Xu from here on out. I don't make the rules.

And what's this talk of "rip it off and take a look"??? Woooooooo. Baby Xu is flirting too after all. Ha!

End of episode. Ok, I'm not gonna lie, this was a tough one. Everything except for the last couple minutes was just A LOT of talking, and super hard to keep up with. If I hadn't written down my thoughts while watching, I might not even have caught any of it.

What did I learn (or maybe misunderstand): Both the red ghosts and the 5 Lakes alliance are after the glazed armor. I think that might mean that 5 lakes were only friendly with the kid's family, because they had one armor piece and were thus powerful and a useful ally. I trust beggar guy and the grandparents more than the 5 Lakes guys. Also the tree master guy cause he was nice to the mini Wangjis. I still don't know how Smirky Xing and Baby Xu fit into any of it. Other than they enjoy flirting a lot. Oh, and I learned that the beggars are aware of the Kid’s whereabouts at the moment.

Goals for future episodes: Find out if my assumption about 5 Lakes is correct. Find out more about the red ghosts. Find out where Smirky Xing comes from and how he's connected to Baby Xu.

[mehiwilldoitlater]

Little secret

“Honestly, only you could like  a place like this!” It’s not a big phrase, after all it’s just a fact, you showed mny many times to like kind of creepy like thing. The real thing that started to irritated you was more the constant degradation coming from the brunette behind you. You and Victoria weren’t friends, you were two people in the same group of friends, and that it’s completely different. It wasn’t even like you didn’t like her, she was an average girl like you.....just really bitchy, aggressive, far more capable around people than you and other thing, and you were you, and maybe that was enough  to hirritate her. You never understand why she hate you so much, and you didn’t want to know, but for the sake of the other memebers of your group you had just decided to  let go, but on this particularly trip in Louisiana she became particularly creative on how piss you off. The only thing you wanted was to have a good time with your friend doing camping, and now you and the only girl that enjoy just unsettle you around, mocking you and show off were forced to find the nearest city, Ambrose in this case, to find a phone because the driver of your van had forgotten to bring an extra bottle of motor oil.  You two were determinated to just not to be near each other, so you just ignored a pair of important signals that should have warned you, like a completely empty city and the most strange kind of museum that you had ever saw in your life.  It was incredible, the entire structure was made completely of wax! That place should have supposed to be in the Guinnes book!!! Victoria was...less impressed, bragging about the discomfort of the place. Inside was not different, even the forniture were made of wax! You two were able to notice this fact was when you posed ypur hand on the near library in a twenties syle room, and you check the books, the lamp, the flower...all made of wax! Being an artistic creature of your own, how could you not find this place amazing? Whoever was the creator of this museum, he sure was capable to deceive the eyes of the viewer! The only artist that had tried to do something like this was Dalì with his bread room, but compared to this masterpiece even the Barcelonan artist was overshadowed! But Victora was just...her. She didn’t get it all, just started to bragging how that place was creepy, you had just decide to not listen to her, untill the last sentence. “Well, it’s a you problem...” “Oh please, you creep out everybody with that notebook of yours! Drawing all that stuff...” “It’s none business what i do with my stuff Victoria. I don’t complain about the amount of alcohol that you swallow, or the the deadly breath that you bring around when you smocking pot or all the thing that i find annoying about you...” Your were more occupied on admiring the strutcure, but your ears pointing out the irritation of the girl behind your back by the movement of her shoes on the floor. “At least my friends did not bring me around just beuse they know i’ll be a looner all summer like somebody else!” Aaaaah, the old loser trap card, how did you not missed this. You weren’t that much of social, okay? But it wasn’t a big problem, if people didn’t want you around them they would have just left you in the big city...right? Well fuck Victoria and her fucking ability to just stab you  in the right place, you were that nervous that you just started to move around the museum, ignoring not only the surroinding, but even the muffled sound from the twenties room. “Oh yeah! I’m sooooo sorry, you know?! I’m so sorry that i prefer to stay on my own! I’m so in despair to know that i don’t follow all of those fucking tendencies like you and the others, that people prefer girls like you that and just think that girls like me should just go die in a pit because all society just don’t care about....” ....did you just hear a yelp of a dog? In your rage, you find yourself in another room...the prettyest one too, it was like one of those old victorian greenhouse, that too made of wax of course, like the plants too. The only difference?....there was a dog there.  On first sight, yur first idea was that, maybe, that was a fake dog, like all things inside that museum, but the sounds that it was making and the unmistakable movement of his torso surprise you! There it was, on four, looking at your direction, almost curious maybe? It was a medium size,white and black, and it wasn’t exactely something that you would have connected with a guard dog, since it wasn’’t even charging or barking at you. He was just there, watching you, trying to understand if you were a threat or not... “..OH! Hello buddy! What are you doing here???” Ok, no threat! You kneeling in front of him, stretching a hand  carefully to evitate to scare him all of sudden, and he reacted pretty well too! Still unsure about your intention, the dog dares to take a few step in your direction, sniffing your skin, and when finally it realized that maybe you weren’t so bad, it’s started to rub his on your palm, wagging his tail in the moment it sensed your nail scratching his throat side. “You’re such a good boy...uh?” The collar on throat showed a little rudimental, lamost handmade, metal label with a nome on it. “Sparky?...it’s your name? It’s adorable Sparky!” Completely absorved by the animal at your feet, you didn’t have the chance to sense the presence at your back, watching you carefully and moving without make a sound...but a dog is a naive creature, and Sparky had recognize only his owner, joyfully barking and reaching him. Only then you finally turn around, finally facing the first human being besides you and Victoria in that city. “Oh...um....it’s yours? I didn’t know, he was just sitting here alone and...” Silence, he wasn’t talking, and he was...strange. You weren’t capable to fully observe his face, covered in those that were his hair, a long raven mass that almost reached the hand of his back, messy and almost uncured. His clothes weren’t that different, boots covered in mud and something else that you didn’t dare to understand, a sweater that maybe a long time ago was white but lost his color for a new brownish shade, the trousers were hided behind an black leather apron. Again, your distraction on his look didn’t let you notice the position of his arm, like he was holding something behibnd his back, something that had already stained the unseen part of his sweater and that was ready to take care of you. He was ready to strik, until... “....Wait...a-are you the owner of the museum?.....you made all of this???” He stopped, your eyes were glued on his face, jesturing your finger on his apron, covered in now cold wax. Wait, why weren’t you scared? Didn’t you get a good look on his face? Maybe you didn’t get the max... You move closer, completely uneffected by his appearence, with a gleem in your eyes. “Did you???” Still unsure, and still with a  vice grip on whatever now he was hiding from you on his back, he made a simple movements with his head. “Oh my gosh you’re incredible! I never met someone that could have done something so amazing like this place! And it’s all hand made! You must be a genious!” His posture changed, it was more like a deer in front of a car, unsure of what was happening but still mesmerized by the situation. You liked his museum?! Usually he never get compliments like those, but the light in your eyes...you were sincere! Nobody ever was able to get so near him...at least alive....and you were a few inches from him, more interested on know the creator of this majestic palace. “If i knew there was a place like this i would have stopped by ages ago! Me and my...friend...have come here to find some motor oil, but it looks like the city is empty ...did you maybe know where we could find some?” This time he moves his head , gesturing a negative response. Well it wasn’t completely but still... Strange, he didn’t say a word from the moments he saw you..maybe he was mute... “....Oh ...well, just my luck....well i’ll fetch my friend and go back, maybe you saw her here too?” He do had node his head, but then he gestured the outside of the structured, and moved his finger, imitating a legs movements. “...Did she just leave me here?! That fucking...urg....” Trying to contains every derogatory adjective for the girl that seemed to have leaved you alone in a freacking ghost city, the mysterious man take his time to study your face. Maybe you two weren’t in a good term... Taking back your composure, you passed a hand in your (H/L) hair. Well, better for you! Victoria was usefull in the wild like toaster in a desert! Complaining about everything every five minutes! Finally some piece, and if you were lucky enough, she could have become a bear snack for the day! “..Sorry, it has been a really long day...i have to go back to my friend, sorry for the intrusion in your home...” He moved aside, give you space  between him and the dog to let you pass, but before getting out from the green house you stopped again, like you had forgotten something. “Oh yes! Anyway my name is Y/N!” Exctending your hand, you only find him far more confused from before, and after had finally understand your intentions, he started to to search something in his pocket. That something was an old piece of paper, something that maybe must have been part of a sketch book, and what that had remained of a black crayon. He really was mute, but maybe he was used to people to not get it the first time, sicne he hand to you what is was his writed name. Taking it, you finally met completely the artist. “Vincent Sinclair......It’s your name?...It’s cute! I like it!” Before he could take away his hand, you fully take it and shake it gently, sensing his skin through your palm. It wasn’t bad, it was strange feeling, maybe for the remaining presence of wax on it, but still normal somehow. When you released his hand, he stayed there, completely absorved bu your gesture. “Well...see you around Vin!”

//////////

From the inside, Vincent was able to take some last shots of you, just enough to memorize your body before the others structures could completely cancel your presence from the little city.  What had just happen in his house? Did he let a victim get away? But you were so strange, so...different. You didn’t scream at his presence, you didn’t find his museum creepy, you find it amazing...you find Vincent amazing. Abandoned the knife, covered in blood from his previous victim, now well hided in his workshop, Vincent started to finally reassemble his actions, he did let you go, but he lied to you about the girl....Well you weren’t that happy when he told that little lie, but still why did he do that? He didn’t want to scared you? He was confused, but still in that momemnt something happen in his mind. When he was thinking about someone his thoughts were about the utility of that subject in his museum, but now he wanted to...know you? He wanted to meet you again? More, he wanted to sculpture you something, he wanted to draw your face and make many anatomy study. He wanted... No wait...he did let you go...If Bo ever found out about that it would be the beginning of many troubles! No, Vincent would never allow that, he loves his brother but you were different, a complete stranger that weren’t scared of him, you were nice! Yes, he needed to keep the secret, even from Lester, he wasn’t cruel like Bo but he wasn’t good on keeping secrets...secrets...A part of Vincent liked that idea....

You were Vincent little secret...

[choimiow]

Pregnant Mc with RFA+Searan

please request something ❤️

AALSO, just wanna add that I don’t know where I was going with it, the next headcanon will be better, I PROMISE !!

Yoosung

• Sooooo exited that he can finally be a dad.

• he’s can’t be a child if he have a child.

• still a game addict, nothing changed, but would stop if you needed anything.

• he would love to have you between his legs and massage your belly.

• no sexy time for the both of you because he’s scared something will grab on to him.

When the child is born, he wanted to name it after a video game character

You said no

He begged you

You still said no

He gave you the puppy eyes

You said yes

Let’s all welcome Amunu

The child’s name is literally Amunu

He’s so happy about it

When he’s taking care of the child, he’s showing them how to play games

Not all the time, because he dose the want the child looking at bright screens a lot

So when he doesn’t do that, he likes to play with the child in the garden

Likes to pick up flowers and give it to them

He makes them flower crowns

Jumin

Must protect the lady and child.

I believe he will be the one to worry about everyyything

“ honey, I don’t think eating pickles with Cheetos will be healthy for our child”

“Jumin shut the fuck up”

You love that he worries about every little thing.

When you were 8 months pregnant, Jumin took a month off work so he can be with you 24/7

Jeahee didn’t like that, poor baby

He can’t hold his excitement, every business meeting goes like- “ but did you know my lovely mc is pregnant ? Do you think she’ll have twins ? I think the more the better-“ and he will go on and on and on.

Hes scared to have sexy time with you like Yoosung but he can’t contain his de la penis in his pants

When the child was born, he wanted to name it after one of your guys parents, so that the name has meaning

Spoils the child to no bits

“Mc, do you think these Gucci shoes that are over-priced-and-could-break-any-minutes will fit the child?”

“Jumin, the child already has a pair like that”

“ yeah, but they could break,and that way we have another pair”

Zen

His children will be as beautiful as him

Same as jumin, MUST PROTECT, MEN ARE WOLFS !

Will most likely talk to the child, and practice his script lines in front of your belly.

Or tho he will be worried about saying some words in the script.

Whispers “ mc, is it appropriate to say butt in front of the child “

“ zen, he will not remember that “

“ BUTTTTT STILL “

Still you love how considerate he is, even when the child is not out yet.

When you given birth, he LOVES to dress the child up.

Literally, just grocery shopping? Still, the baby must be on FLEEK

All in all, he’s and amazing father

Pretty confident in taking care of the child

Seayoung

“Mc, since we made the baby in Vegas, does the baby stay in Vegas “

Seayoung stfu him

He will deeefinetly be the type to talk to your belly allll the time, bad jokes, funny memes, stories, deep conversations, you name it !

It even got to the point where he talks more to your belly than to you yourself

“ seayoung pay attention to me plz”

Worries about you

When he saw how much you were struggling with your big tummy, he , of course, put on a fake pregnancy tummy.

Let’s say that this was the day when seayoung realise its not all bright and sunshine

“Mc, I don’t where I’m pissing due to the tummy !!” ( okay thats kinda bad please excuse me )

Because of that, he respects you sooooo much more

When you were giving birth, he was there holding your hand

Maybe he didn’t feel the same pain as you, but he felt the same emotions as you did

He cried hard when the child was laid in your arms

Cried louder than the baby itself

Please hug him and love him and oh god he is so precious

When the child is born, you bet that he’s the one putting them to sleep

Loves to put the child to sleep because then, he tells them stories that he made up

Searan

Sooooo, you didn’t tell him, technically

It just happened so fast you weren’t sure if he was prepared

So you didn’t tell him but our little searan is quite a smarty

He notices something was wrong

“ mc, why aren’t you drinking your daily coffe ?”

“ mc, why didn’t you have a sip of jumins wine ?”

“ mc, why do you eat like a pig so much ?”

“ mc, why are you sick every morning ? “

“ mc, why are you so fat ?”

“ searan, what the fuck ?”

He notices it all, and you were surprised he didn’t suspect that you were pregnant.

So one time when he asked you again why you were so fat, you decided to answer.

“ Im not fat, i just have another you inside me “

Boi was suprised

He realised,and the realisation hit him HARD

was worried he’ll be a bad father

But when the child is born, literally the best father in the world he is

Precious boy was scared to give the child a bath

Holds the baby as if it’s a piece of glass statue

[thefloatingstone]

There may not be evidence for this (I wouldn't know because I live under a rock.) but... Do you think the rise of Communism memes and loving the idea of Communism could be linked to that whole Russian fake accounts thing from a while ago? Now that I've typed that it feels kinda farfetched.

Nah I don’t think so.

I think it’s a mix of edgy memes from teenagers who see communism as this “scary taboo subject!” and then use communism memes either to piss off their own cultures (because Communism is this big scary thing for MOST Western countries) OR they come from countries affected by communism and use the memes to provoke other teenagers from western countries (often Americans, let’s be honest).

This isn’t even just a communism thing. If you feel like dying inside watch recorded online game matches where the people on voice chat are from other countries. There’s one I remember seeing where a Chinese player who did not speak english heard American teenagers where in chat and just started yelling “NINE ELEVEN! TRADE CENTER!” just to piss them off.

This is usually because when you reach a certain young teen period of life, you are old enough to be more aware of world events, but your brain is literally still developing. So these horrible world events are more vague abstract things that get reactions out of people, and because it’s “adult” and “edgy” teenagers will often throw around words and ideas and things without even being capable of fully understand the full impact these things have on real people.

The same thing goes for the concept of violence and stuff XD “death” is just this abstract concept when you’re 14, but it’s “adult” and “not for kids”. Which is why a LOT of teenagers go through a super edgy “I’m so cool I can watch horror movies and not even get scared!” phase.

And with America and some other western countries stuck in a late stage capitalism at the moment, lots of teenagers who are old enough to think they know how the world works but are too young to understand the full scope of things, and who are in that stage of life where they are hormonally feelings things for the first time in a way that “NOBODY HAS EVER FELT THESE FEELINGS BEFORE EVER!!!” that often extends to other topics as well.

So you get a lot of young people online who are struggling to mentally grapple with the current state of the world going “WHAT IF WE JUST DID THE OPPOSITE??? OMG WHY HAS NOBODY BEFORE ME EVER THOUGHT OF THAT!! IF IT’S THE OPPOSITE OF THIS BAD THING IT MUST BE GOOD!”

This is also why tumblr has a big problem with groups like antis, truscum, TERFs, Transmed etc etc. You’ll notice they’re often all around an age range of under 20, and all have VERY radical ideas about things. Usually because it is “the OPPOSITE” of something else. And this translates to less bad things as well.

How many tumblr posts have you seen by kids who automatically equate anything heterosexual as “bad”? Because being gay is good, and being hetero is BAD because all hetero people are BAD and so all BAD things in a relationship are also hetero! Sexism is something only men can be! an abusive relationship is something only hetero couples have! etc etc.

It’s all from the same kind of black and white thinking. And the communism meme things is just the political version of that. Mostly because most teenagers don’t even know there are other governing practices apart from capitalism, democracy and communism. And they see Communism as the polar opposite to capitalism.

Sooooo.... yeah no it’s got nothing to do with anything real world at all.It’s just a case of “kids on the internet”.

I’m not an expert or anything like that :/ that’s just my perspective on this whole thing.

Also I think that’s gonna be it for me replying to this kind of thing ^^; I avoid political discussion any deeper than “GO VOTE!” really, and it’s not a topic I enjoy talking about. Nor is it good for my mental health tbh :/ My best exposure to this kind of thing is like high school history class and my own personal reading of stories that happen to include that kind of topic in them.

anyway here’s the video I was watching today which made me make that post;

but yeah. I’m done talking about this now 8′D

[how-to-survive-a-factory-tour]

How to Survive A Factory Tour - Chapter 10

A Sanders Sides / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Fanfiction

PREVIOUS

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The best way I can think to describe this wonderful room is this: Wonka took Sugar Rush from Wreck it Ralph, that bit in Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs when it’s snowing ice cream, Sweet Sweet Canyon from Mario Kart, and mixed them all together onto one island. And the result is magnificent.

We’re standing on a dock by the door, and on the other side of a fizzy yellow sea is an island where everything is made from desserts. There’s a mountain which is a large tiered cake, hills that are ice cream scoops, and - if my expert Disney park knowledge serves me correctly - a volcano in the centre that is the volcano dessert from the Rainforest Café.

“Did I die? Because I think I’m in heaven…” Patton mumbles, eyes wide and sparkling.

Wonka hops into a small rowing boat with just enough room for all six of us. The rest of us all join him, and he starts rowing us across the sea to the island.

“Just like before, you are free to roam about yourselves. However, can you head to the east beach after fifteen to twenty minutes? There’s something exciting I want to show you.”

Patton leans over the side of the boat, dipping his finger into the yellow sea. He pulls it out, trying a little. “It’s lemonade!”

“Right you are!” Wonka responds. “The fizziest, tastiest lemonade in the world.”

Almost to punctuate the ‘fizziest’ part, Patton lets out a small burp. “Oops, sorry…”

“It must be rather powerful if Patton burped after such a small amount…” Logan speaks up. “Is it actually safe to consume larger volumes?”

“Of course! Nothing leaves the Inventing Room until it is perfect. The lemonade has been thoroughly tested,” Wonka assures.

I dip my finger to try some lemonade as well. However, as I do, I swear I see a dark shadow in the water…

Eh, it’s probably just the boat creating a shadow.

I sit back up, tasting the lemonade, and letting my own little burp out.

“Wow, Princey, didn’t expect you to be so uncouth,” Virgil smirks.

“Princey? Hm… I like it. Keep calling me that.”

Virgil just rolls his eyes.

“So we can just try anything like last time?” Patton asks, receiving a nod from Wonka in response.

“Nothing’s taboo, like the river in the last room?” Logan inquires.

“Nothing at all. No accidents have occurred in this room ever, and I trust you to be responsible enough to keep it that way.”

The boat pulls up onto the beach of the island. Wonka hops out, and we follow suit, the sand crunching under our feet. Patton seems to have taken the designated role of taste tester, leaning down and picking up a handful of sand, before pouring it in his mouth. “Crushed up graham crackers!”

“Correct again,” Wonka nods. “Now, go ahead, you five, you can go explore.”

Once again, like the Chocolate Room, we all go running ‍off. Patton’s trying a little bit of everything we come across. Virgil does the same, only going a bit slower than Patton. Logan takes a seat by a bush growing ice cream sandwiches, picking one off and eating. I walk around a little longer, before finding a large angel cake. I use a nearby chocolate shard as a knife and cut a slice, before going back to sit by Logan.

“I saw you getting all flustered over Pat on the boat,” I tell him. “You should really just tell him how you feel. By the end of the day, it’ll be too late. You have limited time.”

Logan sighs. “I know… I was going to earlier, but the flume on the boat ride ruined the moment.”

“You could do it on the beach,” I suggest. “Beaches are classic confession/proposal venues in romantic movies. And Patton said this room is his personal heaven, what could be a better time? Perfect romantic mood for you two.”

“I guess you’re right… Okay. I won’t chicken out again. I’m going to take Patton to the beach and confess my feelings. Surely it cannot be that diffi-“

“LO!!!” Patton suddenly runs over, and I think, based off his wide eyes and inability to stay still, bouncing on the balls of his feet, it’s pretty obvious he currently has a very bad sugar high. “You have to come over here, there’s a milk and cookies lagoon and it’s really really really cool!” He grabs Logan’s wrist, and drags him off before the other can say anything.

I chuckle at the two of them. They are two of the worst disaster gays I’ve ever met - they’re perfect for each other.

“I see Patton’s kidnapped Logan…” Virgil’s voice catches my attention as he comes over and sits beside me, eating a flapjack. 

“Yep. Those two are so cute together… I can’t wait to find my soulmate like those two have…”

“Ah, so you’re one of those kinda of people who believe in soulmates?”

“Of course! Don’t you?”

Virgil considers it, before shrugging. “Dunno. Never really had time to think about romance or boyfriends or anything. I’ve been too focused on work and saving money for that. The closest thing I’ve gotten to a love life is judging my friend, Elliot’s choice in men.”

“Boyfriends? I’m sensing a very non-straight theme with us tour members…”

“We don’t know about Ethan,” Virgil points out, but I shake my head.

“My gaydar is very powerful. He’s definitely gay. I mean, he’s wearing a bow tie and suspenders by choice, casually.”

“True… Hey, about Ethan, I think something’s off with him… I saw him whispering into some bushes back in the Chocolate Room. It was kinda weird.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Kinda? Sounds like a bit more than kinda… Or maybe he was just talking to one of the Oompa Loompas? They’re pretty short, maybe you didn’t see them because they were stood behind the bush.”

“Maybe… I dunno, Ethan just kinda creeps me out.”

“Wow, I wonder why. Maybe it’s because half his face is that of a snake!”

Virgil shoves my arm, rolling his eyes, yet smiling. I grin back at him.

“You do that a lot. Come on, you love me really.”

Virgil crosses his arms, huffing, but still smiling. “Piss off…”

I pout, resting my chin on his shoulder. “I’m sowwy, Viwgwil. Pwease forgive me.”

“Jesus, I’m not going to forgive you when you’re doing owo speak!”

“Actually, I was doing uwu speak. Very different.” I pause. “Wait, how do you know what owo speak is? I thought you didn’t have a phone or internet.”

Virgil shrugs. “I’m friends with Remy. One of the things he does on his daily coffee shop runs is teach me current memes and internet trends.”

“Huh. Remy’s pretty cool… He single?”

“Aro.”

“Darn… Oh well. The process of elimination brings me one step closer to finding my soulmate.”

Virgil chuckles. “You are aware there are, like, over seven billion people on earth. Process of elimination isn’t gonna get you very far.”

“Well, actually, half those people are eliminated because they’re female. Another bunch because their too old or young. Another bunch because they’re straight. Another bunch because they’re looking for sexual relationships as well, which I cannot provide. Another bunch because they’re aro. That leaves a small percentage of people who could be my soulmate.”

“Well, I wish you the best of luck, because it is going to take you forever to find them.” Virgil says, before reaching over and stealing a bit of my angel cake. I glare at him, before leaning over and taking a bite of his flapjack. “Hey!”

“Revenge, bitch!”

Virgil glares at me. I don’t realise he’s picked up a nearby cream pie until he slams it onto my face.

I pull it away and lick my lips. “Oh, it’s on.”

-

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I LOVE this room!

I’m knelt at the side of a lagoon of milk, dipping cookies in it and munching on them after. They’re so good! Even better than the ones Ma makes, and that’s saying something, because her’s are amazing! 

Anyway, I keep happily eating the food that graced so many of my childhood bedtimes, and I look down to where Logan is sat on the beach, looking at a small stream coming off the lagoon and going off into the lemonade ocean. “You okay, LoLo?”

“Yeah, I’m just looking at this stream. It’s extraordinary… The milk from the lagoon somehow changes to lemonade as it reaches the ocean, avoiding cross-contamination. How does it do that…?”

Awww, he’s so nerdy and curious, it’s adorable! I just wanna go over and hug him tight, and never ever ever let go, and-

Is it possible to get drunk on sugar? Because I think I might be. Just an ickle little tiny bit.

Anyway, more cookies!

“You know, Logi,” I say between bites, “you should really try that lemonade. It’s sooooo good!”

Logan looks down at the sea for a moment. “I am curious as to the effects of having a larger volume.” He scoops up some lemonade, drinking it from his hands. He wipes his mouth after. “Wow, Mr Wonka was not lying about the fizz… I already feel gassy.”

I chuckle. “You look it too. Look at your tummy!”

Logan looks down, seeing is stomach is distended. Oh! I used a smart word! ‘Distended’!

“... Okay, if that amount did that to my stomach, there is no way higher volumes can be safe,” Logan says, patting his stomach. However, doing so causes him to let out a belch, which in turn makes his stomach go down. He blushes, putting a hand over his mouth. “Oh, um, excuse me…”

I, on the other hand, burst into giggles. “Sorry, I know burp jokes and potty humour are childish, but it always makes me laugh…!”

Logan smiles. He pauses, before shuffling over and sitting beside me. “Are the cookies nice?”

I nod. “They’re even better than the lemonade! Here, try!” I pick up a cookie, dunk it in the lagoon, and shove it in Logan’s mouth.

He chuckles, biting down on the cookie. “Hm. They are pretty good.”

“Pretty good? More like the best things ever!”

Logan just shrugs. “I personally think Crofters is much better.”

“Crofters?”

“It’s a Canadian jam brand, and my absolute most favourite food in the universe. It’s so sweet and delicious, yet is completely organic. It’s even better than the jam Wonka makes.”

“Sounds nice! I’ll have to try it out sometime!”

“You should. It’s to die for.”

We sit around a little longer, eating cookies and just talking. I tell him about my job at the bakery, and different recipes I’ve come up with. He tells me about his college and classes. I don’t understand a lot of what he tells me, but I don’t mind. It’s nice to just hear him talk… He gets so passionate when he talks about learning and school…

God, he’s perfect. Maybe I should just kiss him now… Kiss his soft, perfect lips…

“Patton?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry, I got distracted… What is it, Lo?”

“I, um… I wanted to tell you something…” He takes a deep breath, before reaching over and taking my hand. My own breath catches in my throat. I look back up, and meet his eyes.

“Patton… I know we only met yesterday, but I really really-“

“Excuse me, you two, but it’s been twenty minutes, we need to go meet Mr Wonka on the east beach.”

Logan curses under his breath, before turning and looking up at Ethan, who stands over us. “Thank you for informing us, Ethan. We had better get going.”

Logan stands, pulling his hand from mine. My face falls a little, but I push it aside for now, hopping to my feet and following him and Ethan to the Eastern side of the island.

After a bit of walking, Roman and Virgil join us. Logan raises an eyebrow at their food covered clothes. “What happened to you two?”

“Dessert War,” they respond in unison.

“You mean a food fight?” Ethan asks.

“It was too intense to just be a fight,” Roman replies.

“Who won?”

“Well… technically there wasn’t a winner, we just kinda stopped when Roman got a dark stain on his crop top and screamed that it cost a lot, so we stopped,” Virgil explains. “Which, if you forfeited, actually means I won!”

“Oh, you did not, I landed more hits!”

“Bullshit! That doesn’t determine the winner!”

“Does!”

“Doesn’t!”

“Does!”

“Doesn’t!”

That’s basically the rest of the conversation all the way to the eastern beach.

----------

NEXT

Remember, the ask box is always open!

Taglist: @i-have-n0-idea-what-im-d0ing @clone-number-1 @pumpkinminette @why-should-i-tell-youu2

[spoon-fighting-newsies]

Above and Below

Race Higgins x Reader

Word Count: 1088

Requested: yes

A/n: I’M SO SO SORRY THIS TOOK SOOOOO LONG. I actually feel so bad. I had such bad writers block and I just haven’t had time to write. This will have a part two, I just wanted to get up what I had.

Masterlist 

When Katherine started dating newsie Jack Kelly after the newsboy strike of 1899, you were shocked to say the least. Your friend group, which Katherine was apart of, were some of the richest young women in Manhattan. You all would shop together, go to shows, and date some of the richest and most renowned men.

Everything seemed to change when Katherine started dating Jack. She would tell the three of you how amazing all the newsboys were, but none of the three of you believed her. You had been told your whole life that you were above them, so that’s what you believed. Your father, who was one of The World’s top men, had raised you in a way that made social classes clear to you, and whether you liked it or not, that was the lense you saw through.

Katherine and you had planned to go out shopping this evening, and when she wasn’t at her house, you figured she must be with Jack. You decided to walk towards the newsboys’ lodging house, which felt weird in itself. You decide to ignore the feeling. Going to the lodging house in search for Katherine didn’t mean you were any less sophisticated, you didn’t even have to talk to the boys.

As you neared the house you saw several boys outside, and you were approached by one. He held a slingshot in his hand, standing right between you and the door.

You hold your head high, joining your hands behind your back.

“Evening, Miss. How can I’s be of service?” He winks at you and your nose curls. Taking a step away from him, you speak clearly.

“Is Katherine here? I was supposed to meet her.” He smirks at you and you shift your weight between your feet.

“Well, I’s don’t know where she is, but I’d be happy to join you’s-” He is cut off by a playful shout.

“Finch!” Katherine runs up to the two of you, jokingly smacking the boys, Finch’s, shoulder, laughing. “Stop flirting with my friend!” She pokes him in the forehead, and he chuckles.

“Sorry, Kath.” She ruffles his hair, and he retreats towards the building.

“Ready?” She grins at you and you nod, eager to get as far as possible away from the dingy street corner and back to the richer part of the city.

It has been a week since your encounter with the newsie at the lodging house, and now, Katherine was dragging you back there. She was babbling happily about how much you’ll love Jack or whatever, and you nodded along. The lodging house was a place your parents always steered you away from, but you were curious about what it was like. Could you be wrong about the newsboys?

As you approached the lodge you saw an older boy in a blue shirt standing outside with his hands in his pockets, a large grin appearing on his face when he sees Katherine. This must be the famous Jack Kelly. Katherine runs up to him, and they embrace each other. When you reach them they let go, turning to you.

“Y/n, this is Jack.” Katherine smiles and you give Jack one. He spits in his hand, holding it out to you and your eyes widen. His do you as he wipes his hand on his pants.

“Sorry.” He mutters before clapping his hands together and gesturing towards the door. “Come on in and meet the boys!” You follow the two of them towards the entrance, mentally preparing yourself for the worst.

You walk in to see a slightly dirty room filled with bunk beds, not nearly as bad as you were expecting. Your eyes wander around the room, boys scattered around.

“Everybody,” Katherine says loudly and at least twenty pairs of eyes look up to the three of you, making you want to hide behind Katherine. “This is my friend Y/n.” A bunch of ‘hellos’ are said before everyone goes back to what they were doing. You look back at Jack and Katherine to see Jack waving a blonde haired boy over.

“Y/n, this is Race, my second in command.” Jack clapped him on the back and Race held his hand out to you. You take it, shaking. He maintains eye contact with you as you do, his blue eyes deep. For once, Race doesn’t know what to say. You grin, dropping his hand. “Race, Kath and I have something to get done,” Jack winks and Katherine smacks his chest. “So do you think you could keep Y/n company for a bit?” Race fake saluts him and you laugh, even though you’re pissed at Kath for leaving you alone with this boy you just met. The two of them walk away, leaving you to turn to Race.

“So…” You draw out and he rocks back and forth.

“Ever played poker?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you and you laugh, loosening up in the presence of this boy. He seemed genuine, and for some reason, you trusted him. You shake your head and he leads you into the other room.

After over an hour of playing poker with Race and some other boys, whom you still were slightly uncomfortable around, it started getting dark. There was no sign of Katherine or Jack, and you were nervous about getting home on time. Race noticed how you started getting antsy and offered to walk outside with you. He held the door open for you, following you out onto the sidewalk. The sun was setting, and you looked around nervously, the streets getting more and more eerie by the second.

“I’s could walk you home if you’d like.” Race offers and you graciously nod your head.

“Thank you, Race.” You smile, noticing how his cheeks darken in the low light. The two of you walk through the streets in silence, neither knowing what to say to the other. Finally, you speak up. “You’re different.”

“Different how?” Race questions, quirking an eyebrow at you.

“Different from how I thought you would be.”

“Oh.” He responds, and you reach your street.

“This is me.” You point behind you to your huge house on the corner, looking down, almost feeling embarrassed about it. “Thank you for walking me home, Race.”

“Happy to.” Race grins at you, before giving a wave. Then, already knowing you’ll regret it, you kiss him quickly on the cheek, his face reddening as you pull away.

“I’ll see you soon.” You smile, turning and walking into your house.

Tags: @bennie-badeend @thebroadwayaesthetic @wizza103103 @write-whatyou-know

[myrealityloveaffair]

The Real World: Bad Blood

Season 32: Episode 7 & 8 & 9 & 10 & 11 & 12

Review

EXIT after EXIT after EXIT

How it all ends

Theo :“Do you know what it’s like to wake up every morning with a hard ass boner?”

hmmmmm this sounds like the either coming together of a kingdom, or the queen turning mad.

Lets visit this real world sh#t storm

BTW I doubt they would air a guy jerking off, but then again... they did show Jordan being dry humped by the boogeyman (Mike)

Theo and mad queen Tyara had an undefined relationship that they blamed on each other......cute

How does Tyara go about the trials and tribulations of a relationship. A relationship specifically built on talking in circles and casual ass grabs?

Tyara: “My guy, that I was dancing on, he was a professional soccer player”

Really b#tch? you are semi cheating on a ya man with a professional athlete.... aka that dream that was ripped from your man #Trauma aka what ya man has been crying about the whole time while filming on The Real World #DIED

Theo: “She is friend-zoning me”

She’s friend-zoning the kingdom, fam

Tyara I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU! Girl wtf?!

Theo: “She can bring buddy back, she can f##k him right next to me, Imma wake up, give him a high five and tell him pound harder”

LMAO Their history be like:

Theo&Tyara: We like each other Tyara: You gonna be the one that rides me no one else Theo: So are we something or nah Tyara: THAT IS WHAT I ASKED YOU! Tyara: *sees pro athlete, lets him ride her in front of Theo* Theo: ummm what is this? Tyara: nah, it seems like that..and it is..but nah. Hold up that’s my other man  Theo: bruh Tyara: WHAT MF?! Theo: BUT WHAT ABOUT US?! Tyara: THAT IS WHAT I SAID!!! Theo&Tyara: Well if he/she is moving so am I !!!

good times

No hard feelings right?

Dang bitter again

LMAO

Dammit Gio stick to your show.

I wonder how Tyara feels about Theo

BTW Mad Queen Tyara illegitimate pregnancy is no more... not sure what happened... don’t care

The shade the crew had tho.... lmao

Did anyone catch this?:

Sooooo.... she doesn’t know for sure?

anyway what’s Theo’s take on this?

THEO WASN’T SUPPOSE TO MUTHAF##KIN LEAVE!!! It wasn’t suppose to be like this!!! 

Theo and F##kBoy Kassius couldn’t live under the same roof anymore, keeping both would have been a safety liability.

I guess production thought that F##kBoy Kassius would bring more drama to the show. 

F##kBoy Kassius, did Orlana dirty tho. 

According to F##kBoy Kassius this was all in the name of friendship

F##kBoy Kassius: “Obviously she was making it out to be something that it wasn’t” 

OMG yass F##kBoy Kassius,  deny,  blame, and deny again. Sounds a little familiar *cough*

Look there is no smooth way of bringing up..... *barfs*..... *barfs some more*

Peter: “Mike’s Mike. I know how he his. You know he tells people stories, and it would be like half true half not true and you know... do I believe it, probably not”

Mike: ”Black guys love that sh#t? I bet. You guys can rub coconut oil on your ashy-ass skin together”

His lengthy ass periscope on his controversial comments 

Queenith CeeJai blesses scumbag Mike with a tweet.... little does she know

Mike bolted off the show (for the second time in his reality tv career), WITH Peter’s shoes

so that’s how he stole $2000 dollars lmaooo

Well he just left single......

Wait...

YES GURL ME TOO

So it turns out, Jordan KNEW about Tori. It was confirmed on the After Show (Finally they made some use to it). They were playing a game called “Who’s Side Piece Is This?” This was Mike’s:

Jordan..... NO

But damn, Mike dropped her and everything like a hot rock

Jordan: “He told me he was following in love with me, like, three days ago”

hmmmm sounds familiar ....

Speaking of affairs....

Jenn’s boyfriend Travis: “I hope this 5 seconds of fame was worth it”

LMFAOOOO 

So Jenn cheated on her boyfriend with *rolls eyes* Peter. The same dude that violently screams at her and hits objects....but what for? 

Peter: “I clearly hate Anna... and I feel like Jenn has to stop talking to Anna...” whine whine whine ugh #paranoia 

The shade the production crew threw at Peter was ... art. He had such bad editing... or is that just the way he is?  

Anna: “All we hear is Peter screaming. The entire house is upset.”

Mike: “pete does this and he’s been doing this for years. He meets a girl that he finds attractive and if the girl finds him attractive at the same time, it’s like balls to the wall 100 mph... you think this is a one time thing?  this is the first step to the process. The second step is when she comes out with us and we get there he is going to sit there and if like one look to like another dude and that’s when sh#t is going to go off...”

Peter: “I wasn’t even yelling, it’s not even yelling. Listen you wanna see me yell? I’ll scream”

Um .... Jenn.... I don’t know about this one....

Jenn: “The problem is, like, the fact that like no one f%%king knows what I’ve been through, I have been through an abusive relationship...” 

*cough* According to statistics, if you find yourself in an abusive relationship, you might wind up in another one, consciously or subconsciously.*cough* 

This behavior is down right demented... Imagine how Anna felt when PeterTheScreamer randomly asks to talk to her alone...

LMAO this passive agressive b###h!! Of course Peter wants to take control of Jenn’s situation *cough*

If she said more she would be feeling the wrath of PeterTheScreamer #Props 

Oh she Peter now huh?

here is a rare moment: Robbie being honest about how he feels about people... nice

Jenn: “I gave you guys the benefit of the doubt. Peter was pissed at me that night and the reason why he was yelling at me is because he can’t stand you two, that’s why he was yelling at me”

I mean.... I don’t think there is any good reason why he should be abusive towards you but.....  

same.... same

There is no other way to handle this trash ass situation, tbh

Katrina: “Peter is just crazy, he like he just so annoying... and he is blowing something so little out of proportion he’s not a man he should not be in a relationship he needs to get help”

LMAO She legit ditched him and he got so mad.... they live together....  #Psycho

I wish I could say Jenn Peter came to her his senses

TIME FOR COMBAT

Peter: “STFU WITH YOUR FAKE ASS TITTIES”

Production: “What are you trying to accomplish by commenting on her boobs?”

YASSSSS PRODUCTION CALL HIS ASS OUT!!!!!!!! DRAG HIM

Orlana: “Peter looked like he was about to fight them, like He got very close”

Production: “We have decided to send you home and end your experience in Seattle the punch to the refrigerator and the punching of walls are demonstrations of angry outbursts u have had in the past. You were told by Matt that those sort of aggressive outbursts could not be tolerated you agreed and told him that these sort of incidents would not happen again. Last Sunday your behavior was hostile intimidating and was the spark that led the fight between Jenn and Anna. You pushed Jenn away several times in an effort to get her to stop restraining you. After the altercation between Jenn and Anna you physically imposed security and you got into Anna’s face in an imposing and physically threatening way. You antagonized Anna. Due to your continued instigation and hostile behavior with your roommates you are being sent home tonight you must leave the house by 8 pm.” 

LMAOOOOOO YASSSSSSSSS YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

“you good?  any last words? you sure? its your last moment?”

Prince charming storms away hoping to rescue his long lost lover, trapped in his enemies lair....

Peter: “she doesn’t think like us dude, she is dumb....“

Peter: “If i wasn’t with her, i would probably fight Robbie... just because”

Damn .... no allies 

Mike: “She’s not that hot”

Peter asks.... haha yeah right, not with them demonic eyes. Peter tells Jenn...

Peter: “I need you to leave with me” Jenn: “That’s not fair Peter” Peter: “I don’t care”

Oddly enough this PeterTheScreamer session wasn’t started by Anna-Katrina or Jenn. The night was .... dare I say... instigated.... but by whom?

None of this would have ever have happened if he just stuck with his act of “Everybody is cool with Robbie persona” 

Robbie: ““Domestic abuse verbal.” Who could be Googling that?”

Why does he have animosity towards that stack sisters?

Robbie: “....Every night? separating yourself from the group?”

but nah that wasn’t the real issue... the real issue?

Robbie: “Honestly I am a little annoyed about this... I wanted everyone to enjoy”

They Betrayed Robbie’s MEATBALLS

Robbie does have a mean streak, this is the same guy that burned all of his ex-gf’s (Jenn) belongings and sent her a video of it .... like bruh you were the one that missed the single life not her

Robbie could have been... dare I say... a production puppet. After all he was the only one that got filmed at the end for his arrival at home

Little moments from this terrible show about 7 (or more) strangers:

Peter’s removal from the house:

The house banding together against racial inequalities:

Will and his... issue: 

Will: “Yo, could you grab me some toilet paper”

Dueling cousins, dueling on literally everything:

UPDATES

MTV did their after the show update here . Tyara declined (or wasn’t asked) for an after-real-world-update. Maybe she was bitter about MTV outing her pregnancy... perhaps she had more in common to Theo than we thought. It’s safe to say her ass ain’t coming back to mtv. 

Theo and Whats-Her-Face-Anika competed on “The Challenge: Invasion Of The Champs”. You blink and they are gone. 

TORI FINALLY SPILLS THE TEA

“Are You The One” after show of season 5 episode 6

“The Aftermatch: No Bro-Code”

Tori: “So Mike went on another reality show called the real world, and he cheated on me with a girl named Jordan, who was also on the show, and obviously that aired, and then that blew up our relationship, and I found out and now Mike, and I absolutely don’t talk. I have a restraining order against him, and it ended really bad... and it was the worse mistake of my life”

RIP: To all the beefs, pranks, and funny times MTV felt compelled to edit out -_-

[satireknight]

TMNT S01E04 - Hot Rodding Teenagers from Dimension X

AND... just like that, the titles started getting silly.

So the Turtles are planning to turn Baxter’s van into a mobile tracking station, using the equipment in Baxter’s lab. Is this legal? This doesn’t seem legal. I know technically they’re vigilantes, but this seems a little thefty.

So they do what anyone would do: they push the entire van up the stairs, and then Donatello rips the entire side of the van off like he was peeling an orange. Explain to me again why Michelangelo couldn’t get out of ropes in the last episode.

It also turns out that Baxter’s been arrested offscreen because “the authorities didn’t appreciate it when he tried to take over the city with his Mouser robots.” Well, that happens when you print your name on your murderous metallic T-rexes. Wait, take over the city? They didn’t do that! They just tried to kill Splinter and ate an apartment building!

Since Donatello is modifying an entire van all by himself while everyone else stands around chatting, he inevitably starts asking why THEY have to do ALL the work of stopping Shredder. I’d be asking why I have to do all the technical stuff, since presumably one of the others can work a wrench.

How has the Technodrome not completely hollowed out the area under New York, causing a catastrophic collapse?

Krang has finally had enough and is refusing to give Shredder any more new toys until Shredder ponies up a pair of opposable thumbs. Shredder acts high and mighty by saying that the body is just one of several experiments he’s doing... which includes more mutants.

I can see the benefits of a bat, since they presumably would have sonar or something like that. But why a lizard? Or a mole? How are those better than the ones you already have?

Shredder then remembers that oh yeah, Krang is from another dimension, and since that dimension is full of nonstop war, he can just get weapons from THAT place. Of course, since Krang also has an army sitting on the other side, he might end up with angry soldiers ripping his face off. Krang is somehow horrified by the idea of what might come through the portal.

In “Donatello is underappreciated” news, Donatello has just managed to whip up a personalized, highly-decorated, weaponized vehicle in mere hours. How do his bros respond to this? They want more shit like higher ceilings and pizza ovens so they can mess around while driving. Amazingly he doesn’t kill them all with his wrench set, and they careen down the stairs and straight into a fire hydrant. 

Shredder is apparently expecting to just open the portal right into an armory, but instead two flying cars come zooming through. These are the Neutrinos.

And I don’t know if people will agree or not, but I’ve always hated the Neutrinos, the futuristic alien elf people, even when I was a little kid. Part of it was their voices; they always sounded like they had a sore throat. Another was the antiquated slang that they used, which... I never understood the reasons for and is kinda cringey.

But the most glaring reason for me was that they never felt like complete characters. Think about it: when you strip away the weird way they talk, what are you left with? Who are they? What shapes them as people? Answer: we don’t know, because they’re not really developed. They are all basically the same bland empty character. Kala is particularly bad, because her only narrative function is for Michelangelo to occasionally crush on her. She’s not a real character on her own.

Let’s just say I prefer the Neutrinos in the IDW comic, where they actually have some character and function instead of “we’re fun-loving teenagers and the grown-ups oppress us!”

sigh

So they’re chased by a pair of rock warriors in a flying tank, and that sounded so much more metal in my head.

Rocksteady and Bebop blow up the tank, and a firefight breaks out as the Neutrinos escape. The Rock soldiers encounter Krang, who is upset that they’re seeing him naked.... and by naked, I mean just a brain on a little wheelie stand. Apparently he “lost” his body when he was banished to Earth... although I’m not sure how or why.

And then the awkward writing kicks in: Krang and the warriors talk with horror about how the Neutrinos hate war, won’t fight, and “encourage people to have fun.” Perish the thought. Oh Lord, the heavy-handedness is making my brain hurt.

Oh hai World Trade Center. You’re making me feel awkward and a little depressed.

So the Neutrinos drive right out of a subway entrance, and the Turtles immediately start chasing them, ultimately leaping right into their cars and forcing them to land. But then they find out that the Neutrinos have no idea who Shredder is, and are just a group of shrill-voiced tiny elves who unironically use terms like “daddio.”

So the Turtles do what any person would do with alien visitors: they take ‘em to... an arcade. Why? I have no idea. 

April sparks off a conversation about Dimension X, and another silly “all the grown-ups don’t want young kids like us to have fun!” conversation takes place. Look, is there any child with six brain cells who won’t feel pandered to by that sort of thing? Especially with idiotic ideas like them being chased because they trespassed on a battlefield.... um, getting onto a battlefield is its own punishment, because... you are going to die. Nobody’s going to stop fighting just to kill YOU.

Just then the Rock Warriors torpedo the building and put the scene out of my misery. By coincidence, all the humans in the building suddenly evaporate... so I’m going to assume they’re dead.

So the Neutrinos finally do something useful and start firing at the Rock Warriors, and Leonardo manages to wreck their vehicle with his amazing insta-growing sword.

That’s easily twelve feet long.

Just then the explosions, energy blasts and probable deaths of multiple people cause the police to show up. I wonder why.

Just then Leonardo mentions how weird it is that Shredder is able to connect to a different dimension.... NOW? YOU’RE GOING TO ASK THAT NOW? Shouldn’t you have asked that back before you were playing pinball and listening to the Neutrinos bitch about how mommy and daddy won’t let them zoom around in circles being obnoxious?

So yes, the Turtles finally break out of their “fun” brainfog and realize that they could be facing a global invasion, which is kind of important. It’s about time that tenuous plot finally reared its head.

“This is my Magic 8 Ball!” 

No, it’s actually a weather-making device. And then they’re attacked by the NYPD, who must be really fucking jaded if they don’t react to a couple of guys apparently made out of rock.

The Neutrinos tell the Turtles and Splinter about Krang, which explains the whole talking brain thing that came up in the last episode. Wow, that might have been good information to get from them BEFORE YOU WENT TO A FUCKING ARCADE. Sorry, these characters really piss me off.

Oh, and Michelangelo is crushing in Kala. Why? Dunno, because they’ve barely interacted at ALL, so I’m going to assume it’s because she’s the only girl he’s ever encountered who isn’t way taller than him. Also, her only defining trait is that she cries.

Wait, since when did they have a hydraulic platform inside a phone booth?! How do you even instal that without people noticing?

So the Technodrome that they previously spent hours or days searching for is now something they can just drive up to, and they are able to fly those flying cars right inside with no resistance whatsoever. Of course, while Donatello is diddling with the portal, the mook squad comes in and causes trouble for them, while the other Turtles encounter Shredder, Krang and the Rock Warriors.

I have no idea why Krang is bouncing with joy. It seems premature.

Also the Technodrome has a giant floor section with vanishing panels. Why? 

Finally the dimensional portal opens, which means the Neutrinos and their bad writing are going as well.

“There’s a barrel of silicone lubricant over there!” How did you know that? And why do I not want to know WHY it’s there?

“We want to stay with you, and have FUN!” Can you see why I hate this character with a passion?

The Neutrino with the gray hair says that they have to keep fighting Krang in Dimension X... which seems to go against two things we’ve been told. One is that Krang hasn’t been involved in the fighting since being banished, and the other is that the Neutrinos just mess around and don’t participate in any kind of conflict because it isn’t fuuuuuuuuuun.

So they zoom through the portal, and Michelangelo gets teary-eyed over the departure of someone he’s exchanged maybe ten words with over the span of a single day. I care sooooo much right now.

But unfortunately the weather-maker is still causing sufficiently bad weather that the ground is actually shaking. Right now there’s a friggin’ tornado in the streets.Leonardo handles it the way you’d expect - he leaps out of a flying car and almost dies so he can slice the thing in half.

And having pussed out epicly during the fight, Shredder finally throws a fit and declares that he’ll make Krang’s new body for him if Krang kills the Turtles.

And back in the Turtles’ lair, for some reason they’re back to sleeping in a quadruple bunk, while April reads them the same children’s story over and over again.

VERDICT:

This story is a big step down from the previous three, partly because it feels so schizophrenic. Parts of it, like that bedtime-story ending and the Neutrinos whining, feel incredibly juvenile and pandering to the child audience. But the other half is an actual threat of alien invasion and a dangerous weapon. 

And the two don’t mesh very well, which often makes it feel like the important plot is being sidelined for kiddie antics. It really just sticks out, especially since the characters we’ve been shown are not really the kind to respond to serious new developments by just kicking back in an arcade.

I already ranted about the Neutrinos and what shallow half-characters they are, but I gotta say again, they don’t really add much of anything to the story beyond a shallow insta-crush, infodumpage and some aerial action scenes. 

One thing that was much better in this episode is the animation, which has stepped back up from the last episode. And it has some nice moments like the police and military taking on the Rock Warriors, which gave us some good conflict and a sense that the world outside is bigger than just the Turtles and their issues.

Speaking of their issues, despite my bitching it was kinda fun to see the origins of their van, even if poor Donatello remains horribly underappreciated. He’s the kind of guy who could build a particle accelerator out of toaster parts, and people would complain because it doesn’t have an embedded clock.

Grade: C-

[cocoarosalia]

Searingly Sweet (Marichat/Adrienette)

What do you do when one of paris’ most superlatively handsome heros comes knocking on your balcony door? You would panic first, right? Like, what does he want; why is he here; should I prepare something? Any and all those thoughts might run through your head I’m guessing. But what does Marinette Dupain-Cheng do when a certain leather-clad feline comes a knocking?

She gets pissed...cause duh, right?

And it wasn’t even like she was pissed at him exactly. It was more just that he happened to appear at the apex of her shitty day. Every single client the 23 year old had that afternoon was completely and utterly shitty human beings. And she gets it, a lot of schools in the area were picking up the american custom of having end of the year dances, for socializing and shit. But if she had to hear another shitty 17 year old complain about how the applique on her dress doesn’t absolutely “shimmer” in the moonlight and how the dress doesn’t make her ASS look like that american rapper Nicki Minaj’s (Which by the way if you’re gonna use french in your stage name PICK A REAL FRENCH WORD). She was ACTUALLY going to cut someone.

So it wasn’t his fault that he happened to knock on the balcony door to her apartment. Also wasn’t his fault that she happened to be in the middle of her 3rd alteration of the SAME dress at the time. But that didn’t stop her from viciously slamming open her door, rage blazing in her eyes.

“WHAT?” She roared

Her attitude instantly vanished, however, as Chat Noir collapsed into her arms. She grabbed onto his waist to keep him upright but his harsh hiss kept her hands at bay. She felt a wetness on her hand, it wasn’t raining out so it couldn’t be good. She looked down and sure enough Chat had contracted a sizeable cut above his hip and in different places along his torso.

“Holy shit!” was all she could really comment “Adrien, what happened!?”

They had long since found out each other’s identity. 21st birthdays mixed with intimate truth or dare and too many margaritas will do that kind of thing to you. But the lucky part was that nothing ever really changed for them. If anything, it made their civilian lives that much easier. Now, if anything went wrong they knew exactly where to go for safety.

Guess this was one of those times huh?

“Mari” Chat groaned out pitifully, body slumped over her petite frame

She didn’t allow him to say anything else as she carefully helped him onto the couch. She laid him down gently and rushed to get a bowl and some cool water. Returning back he didn’t look too good, hair matted from sweat and eyes squeezed shut in pain. She gingerly picked up his head and laid it in her lap. She pressed the wet cloth to his biggest cut and pressed down, shushing him softly to soothe his pain.

She looked into his eyes for an explanation “What happened? Was it a really bad akuma?”. Her heart only sank as he remained silent.

“Oh god it was, wasn’t it? Fuck, if I wasn’t so swamped with work I could’ve been there for you. You wouldn’t be like this. Adrien I’m so sorry” He lifted his hand and gently stroked her cheek. A gentle smile graced his features and she felt like bursting into tears that very moment.

“Please don’t cry, Mari” He said, his voice warmer than a summer’s breeze “I didn’t lose to an akuma. Just to a very old cat and a very sturdy tree.”

At first it didn’t click, she was far too wrapped up in her guilt ridden emotions. But then, ever so slowly, the words sunk in further and further

“Could you say that again for me please?” She said a little too sweetly “I just want to make sure I heard you correctly”

“Oh! I just said that these cuts are from me saving a pretty old cat from a tree” He scratched his head bashfully “old beast was not too appreciative and scratched me up pretty good and the tree kinda finished the job”

She stood up abruptly, knocking chat off the couch and onto the floor.

“Noooo” Chat whined as she stormed off “Don’t leave me here to perish in the cold!”

A blanket, quite unceremoniously, pelted him in the face “BUNDLE UP BITCH”

“Someone’s got their chiffon in a knot” He pouted “what? You missed your monthly ‘designer’s digest’ issue?”

Marinette sat back on the couch wordlessly, only speaking to ask him to drop his transformation so she could patch him up. Her speech was so...professional that he dropped it immediately, worried that he might’ve pushed her buttons a little too hard.

“Hey Mari, you know I was only kidding right?” this silent treatment was a bit of a first for him, he hadn’t meant to offend her, only poke at her a little “I didn’t mean all that stuff I said. I really am sorry”

He tried putting on his best sad face, nudging his head into her in the hopes that it’d melt her heart enough to forgive him. She sighed and put his head back into her lap.

“I’m not mad chat.” She said, preparing a disinfectant cloth “there’d be no point in that”

He breathed a sigh of relief, he wasn’t totally convinced but at least she wasn’t gonna kick him out of the house

“That being said, you tear up the shirt I made you. Sooooo, you deserve this entirely”

Adrien’s eyes shot open wide as a stinging, searing pain shot through his whole side. He moved to shoot up in his seat but, surprisingly, Marinette was pretty strong and held him down, giggling the entire time. A disinfectant cloth slapped to the cut would teach him a lesson or two

“OH MY GOD THAT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD” he howled out

“I know right? You must be so sorry for playing with my emotions and tearing up that shirt aren’t you?”

“I WAS ATTACKED!?!? GET THIS SHIT OFF ME!”

“That’s interesting cause, see, that doesn’t sound like an ‘I’m sorry’ to me”

“YOU ARE SADISTIC”

“And you’re still screaming. I do have neighbors you know”

Adrien gritted his teeth as he tried to bear the burning sensation traveling all through his body “I’m sorry for tearing up the shirt and playing with your emotions even though I did nothing of the sort”

She pressed down on the cut harder

“I’M SORRY I’M SORRY YOU’RE RIGHT ENTIRELY MY FAULT. PLEASE SWEET MERCIFUL CHRIST LET GO!”

She took pity on his poor soul and finally released him. He rolled back onto the floor and scattered away behind her curtains

“I COULD HAVE DIED YOU PSYCHO”

Marinette was hardly perturbed “1.) I checked the bottle before-hand it was gonna sting regardless of what I did and 2.) you still have like 8 more lives, you’re fine”

Adrien was now in full pout mode “I’m not an actual cat you know. The american phrase ‘YOLO’ does actually apply to me”

“You’re so dramatic” she laughed. Scooting over on the furthest side of the couch, she stretched out her arms to lure him back to the sofa. He turned from her, refusing to even acknowledge her offer.

“Oh come on, kitty. I still have to wrap up your other cuts before they get infected”

He wrapped the curtains further up on his body “Better than dying from the shock of the pain!”

She rolled her eyes “I promise I’ll be gentler this time. And, I’ll make sure to tell you when the sting is coming”

He eyed her cautiously, coming out from behind the curtains and inching closer “I want free cuddles the rest of the night”

She sighed “fine, whatever you want”. It was like telling him he’d won the lotto, his perfect white teeth gleaming in a cheshire like grin. Adrien tossed himself on the couch, instantly slipping up her body and snuggling closely to her chest.

“You are so unbelievably spoiled you know”

“You know I think I can still feel the pain of the disinfectant. I wonder why?”

She laughed warmly and let him stay there for a while.

There was no way to really describe the relationship they had. On the one hand they were definitely friends; they had the occasional coffee meet-up with Alya and Nino, popped in on one another if they had a bad day and, duh, saved one another from certain death every now and again. They could go out and see other people, sure, but then they did things like this. Cuddle times where they just stayed silent and share body heat, sleeping in the same bed because one couldn’t be bothered to stay up enough to make the trek home, and even spending whole weekends just vegging out at home watching Totally Spies reruns on TV. It was a weird set up but if you asked Marinette if she would change anything, not a single second would be unmissed.

“Ok mon minou, let’s get you patched up before I have to clean your blood off my couch...again”

He begrudgingly agreed and left her warm hold, sitting with legs crossed and patiently awaited her medical care. She returned back with her famous “Chat almost died today” first aid kit and something thin and white sticking out from between her lips. It caught the blonde’s attention and his feline instincts began to flare up again. Nevertheless, he sat still,only moving to remove his shirt and give her space to wrap his body in bandages.

“There, all done” She said, ever so slightly proud of her work “You were a very good patient this time around kitty. Usually you’re so squirmish”

Even as she scritched his favorite spot behind his ear adrien still couldn’t get his mind off of whatever was occupying his lady’s mouth

“Uh Adrien? You ok?” She said waving a hand in front of his eyes. He blinked back to reality and smiled apologetically

“Sorry Mari guess I’m a little distracted” He laughed nervously. She shrugged it off as no big deal and left to warm up some leftovers for him.

Adrien watched her with childlike curiosity, he didn’t wanna be a real bother to her but it killed him not knowing what it was that was in her mouth. Even still, he hesitated on bringing it up, choosing instead to stuff his face with honey mustard glazed chicken and pasta.

It was maybe 20 minutes into their third episode when Adrien just stretched himself out flat onto her lap. She remarked on his keen ability to make “make himself at home” but it only went in one ear and out another as he watched her cheek poke out with the offending object.

He poked it

She switched it to the other side

He poked it again

She sat it in the middle while looking at him with a strange look on her face

He didn’t even notice as his long fingers kept poking around her face, expecting to flush it out from behind her lips

“Adrien!” She commanded, swatting his hands away “Will you please stop tha-”

“My lady, what is in your mouth?”

The question came out so abruptly that it caught her completely by surprise. She blinked confusedly at him. There was not a hint of joking attitude in his eyes so she took it out.

“It’s just a lollipop. See?” she placed it back over her tongue, sucking on it hard “Nothing special. Cherry flavor I think”

Adrien didn’t exactly know what to feel. Yes, he got the answer he’d been looking for but, at the same time, a cherry lollipop? Really?

“Why didn’t you say you got one?” He fussed

“Why do you care? Kitty, it’s just candy”

He didn’t really have a witty retort to that so he kept silent, rolling over in her lap and facing the TV. Marinette assumed he’d finally gave up so she settled back in her seat.

“I want one”

She groaned, rubbing her temples soothingly

“No, Kitty you may not have one”

Adrien poked out his bottom lip “Why not, you have one”

“Ok, And?”

“Where do you keep them?”

“If I told you that it wouldn’t be a secret stash would it?”

He almost took offense to that “Why would you keep it a secret from me? Do you not trust me?”

“To not eat all my candy without me knowing? No”

“I’d replace it”

“Adrien the last time you ‘replaced’ my candy stash it ended up being more expensive than my rent”

He pulled her into a face squishing hug “Maaari let me have one”

She struggled to push away him away, he was stupidly strong when he wants something “No dammit let me go!”

Adrien finally released her and suddenly stood up. If she didn’t know any better she would’ve assumed that she got the hint. But, sadly, she did and, without remorse, glared him down.

“Chaton, don’t you fucking dare”

He shot out of the living room and into the bedroom down the hall. She chased after him, knowing exactly where he was going and for what. Just as she suspected, Adrien was making quick work of her room, sifting between the sheets and crawling beneath the bed.

“Quit it you fucking sugar addict!”

“Let me have my fix and I will!”

“No!”

“Then the hunt continues!”

Her room was becoming an utter mess. Clothes were being tossed everywhere, it was like a horror movie. She forced him into a corner to maybe try and talk things out somewhat civilly but the blonde bastard just carefully scooped her up and tossed her onto the bed, breaking out from the corner to just fuck up her room even more.

They were on the floor now, huffing and wheezing as they tried to catch their breath. Adrien looked everywhere, the sheets, under the bed, in the closet. He even took the ultimate risk and went through her drawers (The kick to his gut proved that that wasn’t too good of an idea). But still no sweets for a little blonde boy named Adrien

“Please tell me you quit” She huffed out

“It’s not fair” he whined “all I wanted was something sweet”

“I just fed you”

“Dessert is an important part of every meal”

He clambered up onto his feet and stumbled back, knocking into the wall behind him. There was a clamor from the top of Marinette’s closet. She prayed that he didn’t hear it….it was a stupid prayer let’s be real here.

“Hey Marinette”

“Yes Adrien”

“What’s in your closet”

“You looked in there yourself...nothing”

She didn’t dare move from the floor as he stared her down

“If I go over there right this very second, you’re not gonna move”

“I see no reason to do so”

The millisecond he moved toward that closet door she raced in between him and the doorway. A dark smile stretched across his lips. He moved in close and she could hear his heartbeat in her ears. He leaned down, his breath tickling her ears.

His voice made her knees weak “It’s in there, isn’t it my lady”

She sucked on her cherry blowpop harder and harder as she shook her head vigorously

“Then what did I hear in the closet. If it’s not what I’m looking for then what’s there to worry about?”

Her eyes looked everywhere but his own vibrant green ones. He knew what that tone of voice did to her and did it anyway.

Adrien snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her away from the door. His stares were so paralyzing she couldn’t say that she even noticed. They walked over to the bed and gently pushed her onto its soft sheets. He climbed atop of her, smoothing his hands across her skin

“Be a good girl and stay here, ok?”

This man could’ve told her to commit murder and all she’d need was a spoon and a name

He moved back over to the closet and rooted around its dark shelves. Eventually he noticed that the side wall was uneven. Sure enough, when he pressed down on it the panel fell away to a secret hole in the wall, complete with its own neatly painted shoe box.

“Hello my sweet”

He was a kitten on christmas coming out from that closet. Pressed close to his chest the box clearly said ‘Keep out, especially you kitty!” but he couldn’t care less, soon he would indulge himself in a sugar sweet paradise.

“HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, THIEF”

Or at least he would if she didn’t break out of her lust induced trance

He bolted out of the room, eyes darting left and right for any kind of hiding space. Alas, it was no use. Marinette had him stuck in the kitchen corner with nowhere left to run. She took a cautious step toward him and he grabbed the first thing he could, a deluxe chocolate bar that she’d been saving for a super shitty day

Much like this one actually

“S-stop! Kitty, just leave the box on the counter”

“Fine! I’ll just take the chocolate bar then”

“THE CHOCOLATE BAR TOO!”

He tore off the label, never once taking his eyes off hers

“Put it. Down”

A corner of the aluminum wrapping hit the floor and her mind went into a blind panic. He was really gonna eat it if she didn’t come up with something!

He opened his mouth comically wide and brought it to his teeth

‘ThinkThinkThinkThinkThink!’

And as he brought his teeth closer together for bite she decided that she had no choice

Marinette ripped the candy from her mouth and pressed her body roughly against his, grabbing a fistful of his hair and bringing their lips together.

That alone would be seared into his subconscious for the rest of his life but what followed would follow him for as long as time stood.

Cherries, the syrupy sweet taste of artificial cherries flooded his tastebuds as her tongue slipped between his lips and into every corner of his mouth. His mind couldn’t take it to the point where he just dropped the box in his hands altogether, grabbing tightly onto her hips and savoring the flavor as much as he could.

But as soon as it started, it ended. She backed away from him, face redder than the candy in her hand.

“Never touch my stash again”

He tried to speak but she shoved the red sucker into his cheeks

“And I’m sure you’ve probably earned that”

She gathered up her box and walked out the kitchen, grumbling something about ‘Stupid cats’ and ‘putting it in a safe next time’

Adrien’s favorite flavor used to be chocolate

He was fairly certain that’s not the case anymore.

[angelaiswriting]

Back Again | Charles Vane x Reader (part 2 of 2)

[GIF not mine] - READ PART ONE HERE

Requested by Anon: “First off I want to say how amazing your blog is!!!! I’ve been looking for stuff like this since the end of Black Sails! I was wondering if you could write an imagine where the reader brings Vane back from the dead (Kinda like Calypso & Barbosa In POTC) and Vane ends up falling for the reader. Thanks !!”  +  “Vane is Made Pirate King of Nassau and makes reader his Queen” + smut as ‘requested’ by @selldraug

A/N: I just want to thank you, Anon(s), because I really enjoyed developing your request! Also, this is my first attempt at smut since ages, and anyway nobody’s ever read my smuts. Your opinions about how it turned out would be sooooo appreciated!

Fandom: Black Sails. Pairing: Charles Vane x Reader

Warnings: what if in which Vane is still alive. SMUT

Requests are OPEN

Word-count: 2964

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It took Charles Vane days to convince Y/N to help him with the conquest of the port of Nassau, but he eventually succeeded. He hoped Y/N would keep her promise because once back into civilization he’d really need her help.

He had spent a lot of time training her with the two swords she somehow had in a trunk under her bed. And damn, she was now very good at it! She had whined all the time because she wasn’t sure she really wanted to do this, but he hadn’t listened to her and he was so proud of the result.

And then something happened.

They had been fighting all day and he had taught her some moves. It had been an exhausting day and they had somehow ended up kissing each other. It hadn’t been a sweet kiss or a passionate one: it had been hungry, almost as though their lips and tongues had been continuing that day’s training.

Then, as swift as it had come, the kiss broke.

They hadn’t talked about what had happened ever since.

Even now Charles was sure he had felt the sea on her lips and that wish came up again: to be with her because he loved the sea and she was the sea. And how could he let that slip from his fingers?

He could lose Nassau, he could lose the gold, he could even lose his crew. But the sea, that never-ending and yet finite expanse of water and thrill… Even with nothing left he would never let go of it. That same salt water flowed in his veins and determined who he was.

A pirate.

A Captain.

And even though he could have a safe and peaceful life with Y/N, he didn’t want all those men to let go their real identity. It was love, what they felt, and it was life. And what was a man without love and life? What was a pirate without the sea and all it had to offer?

In front of him, there was Nassau teeming with life and not even night was able to put the town to sleep.

Hidden behind a group of palm trees, Charles Vane and Y/N observed its life, the coming and going of pirates and harlots. Two Englishmen stood at the entrance of the building where – according to Vane – Eleanor lived.

Woodes Rogers probably lives there too, he had whispered in her ear while pointing at the building with his sword.

Y/N had been quiet ever since they had left her cottage that afternoon.

She was scared, Charles Vane could almost feel it on his skin like when the sea gets ready for a storm. He could see the flames of the bonfires in the distance reflected into her eyes while she looked at them.

“I didn’t remember this place to be so beautiful,” she whispered, crawling a few feet back to hide behind the remaining of old launches.

He followed her and laid against the wood. “Why did you leave?”

“I thought we had an agreement.”

“Jack Rackham hasn’t come out yet. We have some time to talk.” He wanted to know. He needed to know something about her. She knew almost everything about him and to him she still was a mystery.

“It’s stupid,” she said, hoping that those words would cut the conversation to an end. But he urged her to speak and she didn’t know how to say ’no’ to him anymore. “I was kind of a slave, something like seven years ago. You know, a fanatic captain found me in the Caribbean and thought I was Calypso. He was so convinced of it that he kidnapped me.”

“Calypso?” Charles chuckled. “As in the goddess of the sea?”

Y/N nodded. “He wasn’t a very lucky pirate and his crew grew angrier by the second. He thought that maybe with me by his side he’d tame the sea, he’d turn it to his side. Which was the most stupid thing I’ve heard ever since I can remember – I am no goddess and sure as hell I can’t tame the sea,” and she laughed a little. “You just can’t tame it. However, I ended up here and when he understood that I couldn’t be of help… well, he did things to me – bad things. No one helped. They all stood by and stared, all those people, but never reached out to help me. In the end, I left.” She turned to looked at him and found him staring intently at her. “I hope this is your only question because – as I’ve already said – the past stays in the past.”

He tilted his head and eventually nodded. He wanted to know that captain’s name but knew well enough that she wouldn’t answer that question.

Charles could understand why that guy thought she was Calypso. She looked beautiful, free yet caged, but there was something inside her, something deep and as old as the sea, that couldn’t be tamed. There was a spark in her eyes, something that death and torture couldn’t switch off.

And yet she had brought him back. He had died and yet still breathed. What human being could do something like that? And what was the price of such a miracle? He knew nature wasn’t keen on giving without receiving something in return.

What had been the price of his resurrection?

He was about to ask her, to force her to answer him, when a well-known voice caught his attention. When he turned, Jack Rackham, his former quartermaster, was taking a piss.

Charles grabbed Y/N’s arm and pointed at Jack. “Go take him. I don’t care what you do, but bring him here.”

She snorted but stood up anyway.

“Hi there,” she smiled when she reached him.

Jack started in surprise and hurried to put his prick where it belonged. He turned around and furrowed his eyebrows. “Who are you?”

“A friend,” she simply answered before she sweet-talked him into following her.

Keeping Jack’s surprise quiet had been quite a challenge, but Y/N had eventually shut his mouth by putting her handkerchief into it.

Convincing him to help the two of them… well, that was something Y/N would never willingly do ever again.

But in the end, Jack Rackham had gathered them an army – or, better, a bunch of drunk nostalgic pirates. Y/N had looked at Charles and stopped herself just in time from saying: “You must be kidding me.”

Even when that Jack guy told them that the Brits had sent back home their ships and only kept two in the bay, the girl remained pissed.

“This is going to be a suicide,” she muttered to Charles a few nights later, after one of their gatherings with the men.

“Probably,” he answered, looking up at her before downing his rum. Fuck, he hadn’t drunk that shit in ages and he had missed it. “But I’m not giving up on what’s mine.”

“And what exactly is yours?” Y/N bit back. “You died. Nothing’s yours anymore.”

“The sea still is. And it’s theirs too. Some of them know nothing else – and others want nothing else. That guy thought you were Calypso and held you captive because of that. Knowing what that feels like, would you want other women or girls to go through that?”

She shook her head no.

He stood up and grabbed her by her waist, surprising the both of them. “I won’t let those men lose what’s theirs.”

It took them time to be ready to attack and to find enough men to win. Charles would’ve been happy to have Flint’s help and that of his crew, but he wasn’t that lucky that time.

Vane and Y/N had split up. He and his men were aiming at Eleanor and the Englishmen on the island, while Jack, Y/N, and their men were swimming silently towards the two British ships left in the harbor.

Y/N still believed this was a suicidal idea. They were all gonna end up dead, whether they’d be shot, hung or pierced by a sword.

“Such a bad idea,” she muttered under her breath while climbing the ladder to get into the ship.

And those fuckers had sent her up first.

Jesus Christ, she’d never understand pirates.

Luckily no one was in sight and she was soon joined by Jack.

She looked at him and shook her head. “You sure we can trust the others with that other ship?”

He simply nodded. “They’ll free the port, and Vane will free the land. We all get what we want and he can rule as he has always wanted.”

She let the men go first. The idea of killing… well, she didn’t like it that much. She’d rather help Charles without murdering anyone, but…

“Hey, you!” someone angrily yelled.

She turned in the direction of the voice. One of Rogers’ men was walking towards her.

“I thought we said no whores on board,” he yelled again. When he reached her, he grabbed her wrist, hurting her.

“Excuse you?” Y/N was fuming. Her? A fucking whore? She stood there, her wrist in his grasp, dripping on the deck of that stupid ship. And she was being called a ’whore’. Before she knew it she had taken her gun and had shot him in the forehead. “Your mother might be a whore, you jackass,” she hissed. She kicked his corpse and took his gun.

She was so done being nice with everyone. She had been called a whore enough when he still believed her to be Calypso. She wasn’t going to stand someone else calling her like that anymore.

  “What’s all that blood?” Charles asked when Y/N got back to the shore with Jack and his men.

“You know, the Brits bleed too,” Jack huffed, grabbing the rum bottle from which Anne Bonny was drinking. “Eleanor?” he asked.

“Inside your whorehouse,” was Vane’s answer. “Tied up, with Rogers.”

“How did you even come back to life?” someone asked, his voice standing above all the other voices.

He shrugged the question off his shoulders, grabbed Y/N’s hand covered in blood and headed to what had once been Eleanor Guthrie’s chambers.

The bedroom in which he led her was cool, a blessing compared to the mugginess outside. The shutters were closed and three oil lamps light the room up.

“You okay?” he asked her, turning her face left and right to check for wounds.

She moved his hands off her face. “I’m fine,” she answered, pissed off. “Are you?”

He laughed. “You need more than this to hurt Charles Vane.”

“Should I remember you that the last time Charles Vane got killed?”

She shook her head and turned towards the window.

Dawn was crawling its way through the splits in the shutters.

“What’s wrong?” he walked up behind her, the smell of sea and blood hitting his nostrils.

If she wasn’t Calypso, he didn’t know who else could be.

“I’m so pissed,” she sighed, massaging her temples.

He kissed the exposed skin of her right shoulder. And there it was, the taste of the sea, the taste of life. He shouldn’t be drawn to her, he knew it, but fuck.

“Why are you pissed?” he whispered against her skin. He started to wipe the blood off her cleavage.

“This was a fucking suicide,” she hissed. Her hands were trembling furiously. “I killed four people.”

“Hey.” He turned her around and moved locks of hair behind her ears. “It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re all okay.”

“Not them,” she whispered back, wiping some blood off her forehead. “Does this make me a bad person?”

Charles moved to grab a shirt from a chair, dipped it into the washbowl on the desk and used it to clean her face. “You brought me back, without even knowing me, without wanting anything in return. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met.” He didn’t even know he could be this sweet, he noticed. He just couldn’t help himself around her.

They stared at each other for a while. From outside came the sound of men cheering and singing. Some of the girls from Jack’s brothel were laughing and probably someone was dancing.

Then, suddenly, Y/N reached up, grabbed his cheeks in her bloodied hands and kissed him hard.

It was like a continuation of their first kiss: rough, needy, greedy.

He kissed her back and grabbed her butt, lifting her off the ground. When she circled his waist with her legs, he grunted.

She tugged at his hair, her body pressed up against his, her wet clothes soaking his.

When he broke the kiss she was about to whine, but he attached his lips to her previously bloodied neck and she let out a moan. That kiss had her hips grinding involuntarily against his waist.

Holding her tight, he walked her to Eleanor’s bed and laid her down, laughing a little when she didn’t make a move to remove her legs from his waist. She laughed too and she looked flustered, with her hair dripping on the pillow and her crumpled blood stained clothes.

“You’re so beautiful,” he grinned, taking his shirt off.

She freed herself from her shirt too and got up to kiss his lips again. He tasted like home, like safety, and for a minute of two, she bathed in the hope that she’d somehow be safe with him by her side.

Without breaking the kiss she fumbled with his belt, trying to unbuckle it.

A few minutes later they had somehow managed to undress each other and Charles was now kissing her neck, her hands tugging his hair almost painfully.

His lips burned her skin like fire in their descent down her cleavage and on her breast. Y/N was panting desperately, grinding against his erection.

Charles groaned again and lightly bit the side of her left breast.

“Charles,” Y/N panted.

He looked up at her, smirking, rubbing his thumbs against her already hardened nipples. Some of the blood he had had on his face was now smeared on her skin and this mere fact turned him on even more. “What?”

“I’m begging you.” She was almost whining, wiggling under his gaze.

Her hair was a mess on the pillow and she’d most likely end up knotting it, but she looked like she didn’t care.

Vane went back to kiss her breast and then down to her stomach, lightly touching her bellybutton with his nose. His right hand slipped down to grab her thigh while he positioned himself at her entrance.

He raised his gaze again. She was staring at him, heavily breathing, her chest furiously rising and falling. That was a sight that even the sea couldn’t beat.

He pushed inside her slowly and watched as Y/N’s eyes rolled back in her head, her back arching. He pushed deeper until his hips touched hers and he bent down to kiss her breasts. He let her hands crawl up his arms until her fingers tangled in his hair.

He teased her a little more, kissing her neck and staying still. Then, suddenly, he pushed out and then back in fast. She gasped against his neck and urged him to keep moving, her breath ragged against his skin, her breast brushing against his chest, driving him crazy.

He pushed in again and kissed her behind her ear, inhaling the smell of salt water in her hair and setting up a pace.

Soon enough Y/N was panting even harder under him, kissing and biting the skin of his neck. She was moaning his name again and again and he thought he had never liked it like that before.

“Oh gosh,” she sighed suddenly, scratching his back with her nails, sending shivers down his spine.

He pushed out. “On all four,” he groaned and grabbed her waist when she did as he ordered her.

He opened her legs a bit more and positioned himself between them, bending forward to grab the headboard as he penetrated her again. He straightened his back and started pounding into her fast, hard, mercilessly, grabbing her hips so hard with his hands that bruises were going to form.

She was pushing against him, trying to meet his thrusts.

“Jesus, Charles,” she moaned so loud that he thought everybody on the beach would now know what they were doing.

She stood up, standing on her knees, and rested her head on his left shoulder, grabbing his neck with her right arm. One of his hands snaked up to grab her left breast while he kept thrusting hard into her, moaning her name, biting the skin of her neck, sucking all the salt off it.

A second later he felt her body clench around him and she was a panting mess in his arms, eyes rolled back in her head, body covered in sweat.

He came a few thrusts later, biting her neck and leaving a mark.

When he pushed out of her again, she laid down and dragged him down with her.

“I’m finally king of this fucking place,” he panted, letting her snuggle against his chest.

She laughed. “I’ve never been in the presence of a king.”

He chuckled too. “You helped me with this and with coming back from the dead. I think you can be in my presence whenever you want,” he said. “Wherever you want,” he added and she chuckled.

With Calypso in his arms he’d stand the idea of not going to sea whenever he wanted, he thought. And shit was it worth it!

Tag: @georgiagrl1990 

[barddom]

The Two Gentlemen of Verona

I had never read Two Guys, A Girl, And Pizza Place – I mean, The Two Gentlemen of Verona (hereafter referred to as Gentlemen or Two Gents) before now. This is probably because it’s not one of the big, hyped Shakespeare plays (see: Hamlet, Macbeth, King Lear), but upon reflection it could stand to be performed more often? Small cast, simple plot, neat – if completely ridiculous – resolution. 

 Anyway, I hadn’t read it, but I guessed, based on the title, that it was about two dudes from Verona. And I was right. That’s pretty much it. 

 Without even realising it, I’ve leapt straight from “Shakespeare’s Last Play” (Tempest) to this, which some people believe was “Shakespeare’s First Play”. It was definitely an early play, and an early comedy, written probably somewhere between the late 1580s and early 1590s. While I’m not usually someone who’s like, “Oh, it’s an early play, which is why it sucks!” it… might have something to do with why it’s not great. 

Don’t get me wrong. Gentlemen has friendship, passion, conflict, drama, loyalty, and cross-dressing! (And really, what else is there?) But after stepping off the ship from Prospero’s cell and landing in Milan, finding this scene on shore is a little underwhelming. Where are the harpy spirits and chess motifs? Why is nobody half naked and swearing at the sky? Also, Gentlemen is #problematic. But we’ll get to that. 

So many, so so many of Shakespeare’s plays are about, or involve intimate male friendships. This is because intimate male friendships were a Big Deal, at the time, and not just in a gay way, but in a totally heterosexual, platonic way. (But sometimes also in a gay way.) 

The difference between Shakespeare and other writers who lauded male friendships is that Shakespeare is… suspicious of them, or suspicious of the idealized versions of them. In all his plays about male friendship, these friendships aren’t perfect. I will talk more about this at length during my summary, I guess, but also when we read Hamlet later. (I feel a great many things about Horatio.) 

The first imperfect friendship we’re going to meet is these guys, Valentine and Proteus of Verona. (A part of me wants to already press pause and say, seriously? Valentine and Proteus? What kinda on-the-nose names are these? But then I remember that, as far as I know, while Chaucer had already somewhat popularised Valentine as a saint of love, I actually have no clue how widely that kind of language was used. And also “Proteus” doesn’t just mean “First” (first lover, first character, first play?) but is also, like, a god of the sea? So really I need to calm down about my etymological leaps.) 

Act One 

Here’s the deal. Valentine is about to leave Verona to go explore the world (see: Milan), but he doesn’t want to leave without Proteus. Normally, these two guys are inseparable! Amigos! Compadres! Guys being dudes, dudes being guys! But alas, Proteus can’t leave Milan. Why? Because he’s in looooove. He’s so gone for this chick Julia that he turns down an all-expenses paid gap year with his bff. In the next scene, we find Julia chatting with her friend Lucetta, and the conversation is basically this-- 

Lucetta: That Proteus guy totally has a thing for you. Julia: Oh my god, really? Lucetta: Uh, yeah! It’s sooooo obvious. Julia: I guess he’s… cute.  Lucetta: Julie… babes… you literally wrote I Heart Proteus in your notebook eight times since I walked into this room. Julia, looking down at her notebook: Oh shit, you’re right. I mean. What? 

Julia is so determined to deny that she likes Proteus that when Lucetta says she has a letter from him Julia literally rips it up! And then tries to piece it back together and kisses it? Like Helga Pataki or something. It’s the weirdest. (1.2.99-123) 

Meanwhile, Proteus’ dad doesn’t understand why his son would want to waste his time at home when he could go have bro-tastic adventures in Milan. (Also, I just checked: Milan and Verona are… very nearby each other. You could walk there in just a few days.) 

Proteus has received a letter from Julia saying she loves him back! They’ve traded vows! He gave her a ring! But he doesn’t tell his dad about that, because he is worried his father won’t approve. So Antonio – that’s dad – forces Proteus to go to Milan and have some fun, damnit. 

Act Two 

In Milan, we meet Silvia, the object of Valentine’s affections. He’s all over her like a rash, but he seems incapable of understanding how she flirts. Ironically, Speed – Valentine’s servant from Act 1 who is supposed to be dim as a rock – seems to be the only smart, funny character who Gets Stuff. (Unless I’m reading him as being too sarcastic where he is supposed to be sincere.) 

For example: Valentine writes a love letter to Silvia, and she tells him to keep it. He says, “Wait, no, it’s for you?” and she says, “Yeah, I asked you to write it. But it’s for you.” 

 “I’ll write you another one, then.” 

 “Then after you write that, read it, and if you like it, good. If you don’t like it, then think of ways to make it better.” 

 “And what if I like it?” 

 “Then keep it for yourself.” (2.1.109-123) 

Exit. 

Valentine is (I guess understandably) frustrated, but Speed, speaking in rhyme/verse (where he normally speaks in prose), makes fun of the situation, like, “Hahaha, you essentially wrote yourself a love letter, lmao.” Speed explains that Silvia is flirting by having Valentine write love letters and giving them back to him. She is giving him love letters: “Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover.” (2.1.156)

I have a soft spot for the fools, especially the fools that make fun of love and romance. Maybe I’m giving Speed too much credit, and he’s not actually smart/witty, just mean and a foil for the lovestruck protagonists. Fools are pretty much always a case of the wisest words coming from the foulest mouths. ANYWAY.

Silvia’s dad wants her to marry this guy Thurio, who she’s not keen on at all. And when Proteus turns up, he immediately forgets all about Julia and decides that he also wants to marry Silvia. Men are so predictable. 

 See, Valentine’s busy ribbing Proteus about Julia, and while Proteus is like, “Julia’s not a goddess. I just like her, mortal flaws and all,” Valentine is busy espousing the holy divinity of Silvia. Something in Proteus’ brain flips. He must have that goddess. 

Back in Verona, Julia is coming up with a Flawless Plan to go see Proteus in Milan. She needs to see him again or she’ll die. (2.7.15)

But she can’t travel as a woman, alone, without a male escort! So, she does what any rational woman would do, and decides to disguise herself as a boy. (Worth reminding you again: Milan and Verona are about 93 miles apart. That’s about a 3 day journey on foot.) 

 As this is the first time we, on this blog, are witnessing crossdressing in Shakespeare, it is worth reminding you that women did not act on the Elizabethan/Jacobean stage. All female characters are played by boys in drag, essentially. So when crossdressing happens – and it almost always happens with a girl pretending to be a boy – what is actually happening on stage is that a boy is pretending to be a woman pretending to be a boy. Layers!  

Act Three 

Proteus is plotting against Valentine, because nothing comes between two best dude friends better than a sexy lady. He tells Thurio – the other suitor – that Valentine has been sneaking up to see Silvia at night and that they’re planning on running away to elope. 

Thurio is like, “wtf?” and dobs this in to Silvia’s dad. The Duke is like, “Yeah….. I know….. it’s an issue.” Doubly an issue because Valentine has been tryna play the Duke like a harp. The Duke is too quick for this and tricks Valentine into revealing all his wooing techniques, and through some sort of weird trick involving a ladder (the logic of this train of thought remains unclear?) finds Valentine’s love letter to Silvia and is like “AHA!!!! YOU FIEND!!!” 

Valentine is told to leave Milan and never return. Boom. (3.1.120) 

The Duke is all, “Gee, I’m so glad my new friend Proteus tipped me off to all this. He’s such a stand up guy.” 

 Silvia, who was really into Valentine, is super pissed at her dad, and also wants nothing to do with Proteus since he’s the one who screwed everything up for her. Meanwhile, Proteus is trying to play Valentine’s old game, and pretends to be in favour of Thurio marrying Silvia. (Hint: this won’t work out well.) 

Act Four 

 On “the frontiers of Mantua”, Valentine and Speed get attacked by outlaws. If Mantua sounds familiar, it’s also where Romeo get’s banished to in Romeo and Juliet, so it’s clearly where all the rejects from the Italian justice system get sent.

Valentine lies to the outlaws and says he was banished by the Duke for killing a man. And they’re like, “Oh shit! This guy is legit! Let’s make him our leader!”

 And that’s how Valentine becomes the leader of a pack of outlaws. 

 Meanwhile, Thurio is futzing up his wooing of Silvia, because Proteus is giving him really bad advice, like singing bad songs and generally being annoying.

 There’s also a bit here where Proteus says, “… Yet, spanial-like, the more she spurns my love / The more it grows and fawneth on her still.” (4.2.14-5). This is almost the exact same line that Helena says in Midsummer re: Demetrius. Just worth mentioning. 

 This is when Julia enters, in boy’s clothes. (So, I guess it’s been three days.) She hears this song about Silvia and is like, “Woooooow. Ok. So… this sucks.”

 Even worse, she overhears a conversation between Silvia and Proteus, where he says, “Look, I was in love once, but that chick is dead, so… I’m wide open.” And Silvia responds, “That’s sad and all, but you also stabbed your best buddy in the back like a total tool. So I can never trust you, let alone love you.” 

 Silvia plans to escape Thurio, Proteus, and her father, and head to Mantua where she and Valentine can be together. Also, she gets rid of the little dog that Proteus gave her. Because who needs that shit around. 

 When Proteus sees that his dog has been returned to him, he’s like, “Fine! I can up my game!” He turns to Julia, who for some reason he doesn’t recognise, a la Lois Lane not recognising Superman when he has his hair done a little different, and says, “Take this ring and give it to Silvia.” 

It’s Julia’s ring! She is… crushed. 

 When Julia goes to give the ring to Silvia, like a lamb, she basically bursts into tears and says, “I knew Julia. And this belonged to her. And he wants to give it to you. But if she knew… she would… probably die forever and ever.” 

 Silvia – who, in my opinion, realises that this boy is actually Julia – says, “Take the ring, and this purse of money. Look, I’m crying too. Wow. Ok, bye.” 

Act Five (i.e. when things deteriorate quickly). 

Silvia wants to get the hell out of Milan, and she and Sir Elgamour talk about their plans outside Friar Patrick’s cell. They’re gonna run away! That always works well.

 (A lot of conspiring happens in, or by, a friar’s cell – see: Romeo and Juliet.)

 Meanwhile, Proteus being grilled by Thurio about Silvia. Does she like me? Does she hate me? What is going on! What Proteus really wants to know is what Silvia said to Julia aka Sebastian. 

 But before we can get any answer – the Duke bursts in and announces that Silvia has disappeared! Dun dun dun. 

“She’s fled unto that peasant Valentine.” Clever dad. 

 In the next scene, we find Silvia in the forest, alright, but Sir Elgamour is nowhere to be found! In fact: Silvia is being held captive by outlaws. I’m sure you, who is not an idiot, can see where this is going. 

 In the next scene, Valentine gives a speech about how lonely being the inexplicable leader of a band of outlaws can be, and how all he really wants is Silvia. Who cares about unchecked power and the loyalty of violent criminals when the love of your life has been taken away from you? Sigh. 

 But then, there’s a suspicious noise – and lo and behold, enter Proteus, Silvia, and Julia! 

Valentine steps aside into the shadows to eavesdrop on their conversation. 

Apparently Proteus (and Julia) helped rescue Silvia from the outlaws before she could successfully be taken to Valentine. 

 “What do you mean you still don’t want to fuck me!” Proteus complains. “After me and my servant rescued you and everything!” 

 “Dude,” Silvia replies, “I would literally rather be eaten by a lion than have you rescue me from anything.” (5.4.33-34) 

 “It’s a damn shame when a woman can’t love when she’s loved,” says Proteus.  

“It’s a damn shame when Proteus can’t love when he is loved by Julia who, yeah, I know is still alive, you steaming pile of human garbage. Also, I love Valentine, who was supposed to be your best friend,” Silvia replies – though I may be paraphrasing a little. 

 This is when Proteus, and I shit you not, “seizes her” and says, “I’ll woo you like a soldier, at arms’ end / And love you ‘gainst the nature of love – force you.” (5.4.59-60) 

That’s right. Proteus fully intends to rape Silvia then and there. 

 Valentine leaps out of the shadows and goes to rescue Silvia from Proteus, rightfully calling him all sorts of despicable names that I’m sure would have been very insulting to someone four hundred years ago. 

Naturally, Proteus drops everything (‘everything’ being Silvia) and apologises profusely. 

 “Okay, cool,” Valentine says. 

 Wait, what? OKAY COOL? “Then I am paid, / And once again I do receive thee honest”? How? 

 Similarly shocked by all these developments is Julia, who swoons. 

When everyone rushes to her side, she says, “Oh, I forgot to give Silvia this ring…” 

“But… this isn’t the ring I gave you to give Silvia. This is the ring I gave Julia!” Proteus says, like a genius. 

“Oh, right. I meant this ring,” Julia corrects herself, taking out the ring that she had given Proteus that he had then given Silvia. (Lots of rings.) 

“But wait, how did you get this ring?” Proteus asks, still not getting it. 

This is when Julia gives up and has mercy on everyone, and reveals herself to not be a little boy named Sebastian but a grown woman! And a very specific grown woman! 

After a bit of blushing about being seen in such immodest attire, Julia and Proteus kiss and make up. So now instead of a very messy love triangle/square/octagon, we just have two happy couples! Yay, heteronormativity restored!

Thurio, the Duke, and the band of outlaws all then rock up, presumably for the closing song. Are there going to be any consequences for anyone’s actions? No? Does Thurio hold this against Valentine? Absolutely not! What about the Duke? Any issues with his daughter ending up with the leader of a band of murderers? 

 “Sir Valentine, / Thou are a gentleman, and well derived; / Take thou thy Silvia, for thou hast deserved her.” (5.4.158-59) 

Nope, and nope. 

Closing remarks? 

I think we can see why Two Gents isn’t considered a piece of High Art in the way a lot of other Shakespeare plays are. It’s essentially the Shakespearean equivalent of a sitcom, or a formulaic romantic comedy. When trying to look Deep into Two Gents, most people point to the gender relations and the complications that arise with crossdressing on stage. There are also grounds to investigate the role of forests in Shakespeare’s plays – if it happens in the woods it’s bound to be interesting. Then of course there are the all-encompassing questions about love, and the truth of love, and the relativity of that truth. Proteus was so in love with Julia that he almost couldn’t bear to leave Verona, and yet as soon as he saw Silvia, any love he felt for Julia went flying out the window. Shakespeare once said that love looks not with the eye, but with the mind. I would say that Two Gents preaches exactly the opposite. Absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder; it just sets it loose on the nearest soft object. 

Things to accompany The Two Gentlemen of Verona 

Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place (1998- 2001) starring Ryan Reynolds. 

The Road to El Dorado 

“Same Girl” by R. Kelly and Usher 

I dunno, every sitcom ever.

[pleasegivemeanokaygrade]

Try This Assignment #4

4.1

Pick a character and write about what makes them: Giggle, wince, shout, gag, go quiet.

Eleanor is a pickpocketing 13-year-old, independent, homeless orphan who has an intense need for adrenaline.  

Stuffies with big eyes make me giggle, I like it when they are extra cute and I strap them to a firework and blow them up. Sometimes the eyes are marbles instead of plastic and I get to keep them in a sock.

I wince at nothing. I’m more badass than you. No one can scare me. Who cares about you? Not me, I’m the toughest woman on this block and in this city and I won’t cry for anyone or anything.

I shout at everything! But I especially shout when a punk is about to take something that I wanted to take. For example, today I stole a bike from some punks who were stealing some bike. I waited for them to clip the chain and then I shouted “HEY, THAT’S MY BIKE!” and some very nice pedestrian yelled at them and they ran away and boom bam, I got a bike.

I gag when I see other homeless people begging with signs. I’m proactive. If I want something, I get it. No begging involved. Beggars think they’re so wholesome and whatnot, ugh.

I go quiet when someone tells me they were raped.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4.4

Write a dialogue where one character speaks and the other character has reactions but no words.

“Hi”

This girl came up to me out of nowhere. She wears a tight black hoodie with a long sleeve shirt underneath. There are a few pinkish purple highlights around her outfit. She has a stuffed backpack on and kind of dirty sweatpants. She looks maybe 11 or 12 years old, she’s short and her messy hair is tucked behind and around her pulled up hood. She has cuts on her face and hands. I nervously put my hands in my pockets and look down. What does she want? Where are her parents?

“Do you know where I could find the D.I.A.?”

I point down East Warren Ave, she looks and said “Huh, I thought I already ran down there.”

She tightens the straps on her backpack and takes off faster than I’ve ever seen anyone run.

Why is she running?

“Because it gets me places faster!” She shouts behind her.

Can she hear me?

I continue walking the opposite direction down East Warren Ave and get to my building. I enter my password into the security door and it unlocks. I show my badge to the guard at the front and he waves me through the long, open marble hallway to the elevators.

I stand there, waiting for one of the doors to open.

“The DIA wasn’t that way.” I hear a strong, crisp, confident young voice.

I jump out of fright! The girl is standing right behind me! How did she get in here?!

“Your number this is 3131,” she says as she picks at her nails.

“Sooooo clever” she sarcastically clapped her hands three or four times at me.

“You’re going to take me to your desk or office or whatever and if anyone asks I am your hot-tempered niece that you have to take care of because my principal just called you, who is my mom’s emergency contact because I got in a fight at school, understand?”

The fire in her voice and the death in her eyes made me nod.

“Good little daddy, let’s go.”

We got into the elevator where I nervously pressed my floor’s button.

Bing. doors open. No one seems to think I’m acting weird. No one seems to notice the little girl. I directed her through the maze of cubicles to my office and she shut the door and closed the blinds.

“Do you have a hard drive?”

I nodded and pulled a hard drive out of my drawer and offered it to her.

“No, numskull, plug it in and back up your computer onto it.” I reached for my desktop and plugged in the dusty hard drive.

She sat down across from me and put her feet on my desk.

“So what do you do here?” she looked around my office

“Ooooh, U of M?” she gestured with her eyes to the master’s degree diploma on my wall.

“So you’re a finance nerd?”

I nodded.

“Quicken loans?”

I nodded.

“Those guys are bad guys, you know. Dan Gilbert’s a bad guy.”

I shrugged.

My computer beeped and the backup was finished.

She got up without any sort of urgency and came around to my side of the desk. She unplugged the hard drive and handed it to me.

“Here, so that you don’t lose your job.”

She unplugged my computer and the 3 screens. She pulled a folded up duffel bag out of her backpack and opened it up.

My eyes lit up in the worst kind of way. I reached out to stop her.

“Put a hand on me, punk.” she whipped around fast with a gun in her hand and a small smile on her face. “I will fucking kill you and that’ll make me laugh so hard I piss myself all over your carpet. Do you want me to piss on your nice little carpet?”

I shook my head no and backed up.

She opened up my desktop and took out some of the parts. She must be a computer wiz or something to know what parts are the valuable ones. She put the screens and the specific parts in her big bag and zipped it up. “Later, gator.”

She walked out of my office. I peeped through the blinds to watch her walk through the office floor without drawing any sort of attention.

She took the stairs and was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4.9

Write stage directions for characters but no dialogue.

FATHER: is sitting in the breakfast nook with a newspaper and a cup of black coffee.

SON: walks into the room with a light smile and nods “goodmorning” but doesn’t say anything. Rubs his eyes on purpose because he knows that father won’t bother to look up from newspaper.

FATHER: takes a slurpy sip of coffee.

SON: opens and closes the fridge without pulling anything out. Looks into the pantry. He goes back to the fridge after closing the pantry.

FATHER: looks up from his newspaper with a scoff.

SON: turns around to look at father and smile again as if to say good morning. He looks back into the fridge when the smile is met by father’s glare.

FATHER: glare still on, burning a hole into the newspaper he’s turned back to. Ignoring the son with deafening silence.

SON: finally picks something out of the fridge and pops it in the microwave. He stand with his back to the microwave facing his father as it warms up. He looks around the kitchen, sighs, looks around, sighs. He takes his food out of the microwave and sits across from father at the table. He gets back up to get a spoon and then sits down again. He gets back up to get a napkin and then sits down again.

FATHER: has paid no attention to this action and is still burning the newspaper, clearly surface reading if actually reading at all.

SON: begins to eat his food, blowing on each spoonful to cool it down. Takes a bite. Exhales loudly, it’s too hot. He finishes his food and puts his dish in the sink. He exits the room.

FATHER: sighs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

4.10

Find a character that you have written or thought of as a side character or only introduced them briefly. Describe them using vivid imagery.

Paige is a girl who makes jokes. She likes it when people laugh at the things she does and says. It makes her feel important and gives her certain energy, a certain rush, that nothing else can.

She’s short and thin with pastel pinkish blonde dyed hair and blue eyes. She wears a button up with skinny jeans and converse. Her hair is short and her glasses are thick. Her biggest fear is silence. She just turned 18 and she’s ready to let the world know who she is. The comments on her youtube say things like “she is so brave” and “fucking dyke” and “this bitch needs to get raped”

Paige drinks half a litre of vodka and cuts both her wrists and her ankles.

Paige’s mother finds her in the downstairs bathtub and takes her to the hospital.

Paige tries again 3 years and a community college degree later.

She succeeds.

Goodnight, Paige.

[i-am-simply-kelseys-thought-blog]

20 years, 20 facts 6/27/17

1. My full name is Kelsey Patrecia Lachance. I hate my middle name because no one can say it right. (pa-tree-sha)

2. Even though, I am 20 years old I still use kids mouth wash. Act Kids Bubble Gum Blowout. I like the taste of it and the fluoride in it helps keep my teeth strong. I use whitening toothpaste so the mouth was is a must.

3. My best friend doesn’t live in the United States. My best friend is from France. We met when I was attending the University of Maine at Augusta. He was a foreign exchange student and we really hit it off. We have been friends for three years now!

4. I’ve worked as a barista for Starbucks for the past four years, and it has been a great job. You have the opportunity to experiment with different flavors and make new drinks. This comes in handy when a guest comes up and asks for a random drink. If you ever have the chance to become a barista, DO IT!

5. I graduated high school a year early. I graduated a month after my seventeenth birthday. This year I will be graduating from college and I’m so thankful for all the opportunities I've been given.

6. I go to Thomas College in Waterville, Maine. Everyone complains about the school, but I absolutely love it. It’s everything I could have wanted in a college. The professors are so nice, the campus is small, and everyone in our small community acts like family.

7. I only keep in contact with one person from high school. I’ve learned that high school friends are not forever friends (other than my one). College is different though. I met one girl during orientation and we have became best friends. Along the way after some misfortune, I’ve made some other really good friends, and even my best friend.

8. Most of my friends are guys. I mean, I do have friends that are girls, but girls in general cause a lot of drama. I want absolutely nothing with drama. I just want to live a happy life, drama free.

9. I’ve cut many, many friends due to their excessive involvement with drama. I recall many instances.

10. My favorite color is green. Green is what you see in Maine in the summer. All the trees have tender green leaves. I spend a lot of time around the color green. On my hiking trails, kayaking trips and even just in my room (my walls are painted green.)

11. My mom and I are super close. She knows everything, and by everything, I mean EVERYTHING. There isn’t anything I haven’t told her. We are basically best friends.

12. When ever I get super upset to the point where I am going to break down, I have the urge to runway. I runaway to any body of water and just sit and think. The water calms me, and makes me happy. It reminds me that no problem is as big as it seems in that moment. While I’m sitting near the water reflecting, I always debate throwing my phone into the water. Sometimes things are better without social media.

13. I live on snapchat. Snapstreaks are sooooo important to me. You’re probably thinking this is silly, but I doubt you’ve ever had a snap streak that was higher than 200 so stfu.

14. I drive a 2006 Toyota RAV4. It’s honestly the best car I’ve ever driven. 100% chance that my next car will be an updated version of the RAV 4. It’s an SUV, but a pretty small one. On my car, the back door opens sideways instead of up and down, and I love that. My kayak fits perfectly on top of it without any extra straps.

15. My favorite song constantly changes. Right now, It’s Crying in the Club my Camila Cabello. One thing I do hate about the song though is that it talks about drugs in it, and she’s a big star for many teens, and knowing what I know about juveniles, it pisses me off, but the song is super catchy.

16. My dog is also my best friend and my partner, as you know she comes with me on my travels. She’s good to hike with, or just hang out with. Julie, my eleven year old black lab, still acts like she is only two years old. She is pretty small, she only weighs 52 pounds.

17. I never ever though I would be depressed in my entire life, but when my dad left I was depressed for months. I honestly didn’t think I would make it through it. I thought that I would just shut down. Trust me, I wanted to, but knew it would be no good. I had been hurt so many times by people that this was the last straw for me and I lost all of my emotions. To this day, it is hard for me to express my feeling to the people I love so very much. I feel bad, but I just need to learn how to express and show my emotions again. Honestly, to trust myself again. I’m so shocked that I let these people hurt me.

18. I recently learned that life is a journey, so you should make it one you are proud of. Don’t do things because others want you to. Do them because you want to. In the long run you will be happier.

19. “Nothing is ever easy.” A quote I have heard many times. I still have an unanswered question that I’m curious about. “Is anything that is worthy, easy?” It seems as if something you really want is never easy to come across. It seems like I have to climb the steepest mountain just to complete one task towards my goal/s. I mean, I don’t mind it just gets tiring sometimes.

20. “You find love when you’re not looking for it.” Everyone says this, but is it really true. I mean, I didn’t believe so. I was one of those people who thought I might never find the “right” person. I would have just settled for anyone. I haven’t had much experience in the love department until recently. I had been with all the wrong people. My list of people was like a featured subscription on snapchat where it lists all the wrong people to be with. In a time where I thought I would be single for awhile, I tried to make the best of it. I was young, blonde and single. I had many possibilities ahead of me, especially going into summer of senior year. Then Jacob appeared in my life and I wouldn’t change it for anything. It just felt right. He is one of those guys you can tell that is genuine to his word, and always tries his best to do the right thing. I never though I would find someone to have the ideal relationship I’ve always wanted. I wanted that relationship where we can just be ourselves and do goofy relationship things. Not only do we have my ideal relationship, he’s my ideal kind of guy. He has a good personality, he is genuine, like I said. He told me he wouldn’t hurt me and that meant a lot seems I had recently had the loss of all feelings from the whole situation with my dad. Not only was he ideal with the things that matter most to be, but he is cute and tall. He came into my life when I least expected it, but it happened. Anyways, what I’m trying to say is don’t give up on love, just have patience. Your Jacob could appear when you’re not looking.